Tuesday, September 18, 2018

9/18/2018 - Gotta try something

Well...here I am...

It's a bit past midnight.  I don't know what I'm gonna do, but I've got to do something.  My weight is up - higher than it's ever been.  It's looming around 305 I believe; I'm too afraid to get on the scale because I'll make myself mad, but I have resigned myself to weighing in the morning.

It's amazing how this whole weight thing can just fuck up your entire psyche.  My life is good, but this weight is such a distraction.  While there are a few medical things that exacerbates the issue and confound my doctors, in the end, it's me.

My work life is awesome and hubster is still awesome.  Still take BP meds and thyroid meds too (since I don't have a thyroid).

My internal med doctor had me taking topiramate and phentermine for a little over a year.  I successfully gained 4 lbs.  In the midst of all that, he also had me doing some fasting.  I would fast from Sunday evening to Wednesday morning every two weeks.  Of course, I'd drop 10 pounds easy, but when I ate, it would all come back on - clearly all water weight.

I decided to see a functional medicine doctor to see if he could help.  He did a ton of bloodwork and it's definitely outta whack, but this guy wants to do ultraviolet blood irradiation, molecular H2, and all that stuff that I can't buy into.  Kinda funny, but my testosterone and Free T3 are high - indications of a great metabolism in women.  They can't quite figure it out.  I have stopped the topiramate/phentermine combination, which I believe has helped me gain additional weight.  Great.

Then a scare - had a badly needed hysterectomy.  I'll spare the details, but there were tons of fibroids, adenofibromas, and a rare thecoma.  Fortunately, everything came back benign.

I've gotta give this another shot.  I was so successful before and had my head in the game.  I want to live a long time, so I've got to get my shit together.  I've thought about trying WW again, but I'm not sure.

Tomorrow, I'm gonna shoot for no added sugar, no bread, and concentrate on veggies and clean, wholesome food.  Not gonna shy away from fats.

Here's hoping I do well...and that I come back and write some more.

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Another new year

Well...here I am...

It's another new year...where does the time go?

There've been so many awesome things - and some not so awesome - that have happened in the last year that it's hard to know where to begin, so I don't know that I'll try to recap them all.  But I suppose that since I started this blog in an effort to maintain accountability in my weight loss efforts, perhaps I should start there.

It hasn't been good.  I'm not where I started, but I was...and then some, but I recovered.  And that's a good thing.  My doctor determined that I actually have a slow/low metabolism.  He prescribed a topiramate/phentermine combination.  After a six month stint - I lost a total of 13 lbs.   While I found menopause to be a wonderful thing in many ways, it was a total bitch in others.  Slowing weight loss being one of them.

But if I'm honest, there seems to be a lack of clarity I had at first.  While I can blame some of it on age, I don't think that's all of it.   Part of it is the lack of focus on me.

Since originally starting this blog, my life has changed quite a bit - almost a 180.  Some things are the same, but others are vastly different.

I live on the other side of the country, I have a totally different job, hubster and I are empty nesters, we've lost three of our four dogs due to old age, there's more demands on my time, I have less free time, there's more stress, and I seem to be getting sick regularly.

In 2017, I had shingles twice, cellulitis once, and weird viruses/colds/flu that laid me out for 3 weeks - twice.

In short, I need to take better care of myself - more rest, less stress, more delegation, more saying 'no', more focus on 'me'.  I think if I can focus on me more, I can do better, feel better, and perhaps lose a little bit more weight.  Let's see if that works.


Tuesday, April 4, 2017


Well...here I am...

...I haven't felt good the last couple of days.  Actually stayed home yesterday - I have postherpetic neuralgia as a result of the shingles.  Not the greatest.  Work, however, never stops.  Was on phone and email all day yesterday and today was nonstop from 7-6!

Hubster's travelling and the contractor started destruction of the deck in preparation for a new one.

I've stayed on track - I've done quite well actually.  I think the sugar is out of my system and so cravings are way down.

I'm gonna have to watch the nuts at work.  Nuts are okay in my book - the eating kind and the people kind - however, I just flat out like eat, so it could be a bad combination if I'm not careful.

Having said that - the scale was up three days in a row - 3.4 lbs over the course of the three days; however, it was down today.

That sort of thing is frustrating, but I know I've been eating fine, so it was just nature's way of playing with me I'm sure.  The tough part is knowing that you're doing the right thing and it doesn't automatically translate into a measureable result in the time *I* feel is reasonable.

Patience.  This isn't for the short term, but for the rest of my life.  I can't give up before I've even started.  Besides, *I* know this works - it did before, it will again.

Some trains of thought believe you shouldn't weigh every day, but I need to.  I need the accountability and I need to understand this is a relatively slow process.

One thing that happened today that has me in a bit of an upheaval is that I've been asked to speak at a national conference at the end of July.  Can I just say it makes me a little...a lot...nervous?  I talk in groups and in front of people all the time, but I generally know a lot of the audience.  Not in this case.

On the good side, that gives me almost 4 months to make some good, solid progress with this albatross around my neck.