Well...here I am...
It seems like it's been a busy few days and that it's been forever since I've been able to write anything down. Where to start?
I posted Sunday morning and was busy for the rest of the day. By the time we had dinner Sunday night I was ready for bed. Then last night turned out to be our TV night - The Following and The Blacklist were on and hubby and I watched them both. In addition to that, I read a book that has held my interest - The Art and Science of Low Carbohydrate Living (Phinney and Volek). It goes beyond the normal low-carb diet plan and dives into the science of the whole idea. Since I'm a science-type, I really enjoyed it! It made me realize that I've been looking at low-carb - just as many folks have done for many years - the wrong way! I mean, I've done Atkins, South Beach, etc., but I've always missed the point until reading this book.
The point being that low-carb does not necessarily mean high-protein. In fact, Phinney and Volek say you should have moderate protein, but high fat. They also explained the aftermath of losing weight via a low-carb diet for some folks. In a really cool explanation, they said that if a low-carb diet rids you of diabetes, it doesn't mean that you're cured of diabetes, but rather that your diabetes is in remission. Another way they explained was that you wouldn't give a lactose-intolerant person lactose, so why would you give a carbohydrate-intolerant person carbohydrates. I dunno - something just clicked with me in reading this book.
Two other things I've tried over the last few days are coconut oil and black chia seeds. I added some coconut oil to my green beans Sunday night and they were pretty good, though I used too much. A little goes a long way. As well, I've wanted to increase my fiber intake and chia seeds are pretty high in fiber. For the bag I bought, 1/4 cup has 14 g fiber! So what I did - and I wasn't sure it was gonna be good at all - was add a teaspoon of chia seeds and a tablespoon of coconut oil to my morning smoothie. It was GREAT!! It was a little creamier and that was it! These two will be a permanent addition to my morning smoothie! Another thing was that I felt fuller all morning. I mean, I added a total of 4 tsp of food stuff and it kept me fuller. Cool beans! OH! Another thing I did was try my smoothie with the unsweetened chocolate almond milk. Another hit!
So where has the scale been? Well - it's been going up, but I think I may be seeing the beginnings of a trend. I've got a graph of my weight over time at the top left and I like it better than looking at numbers. In any event, the scale showed a nice dip on Friday and was up for the following three days. It was down 0.4 lb this morning - and that's AFTER adding salt to my avocado last night! Tonight was rib night at the local bbq joint, so we'll see what the scale says tomorrow. On top of that, TOM is floating around here somewhere. Geez!
My eating has been good and in control - no crazy feelings of desperation about food or anything. This afternoon, I walked into the admin's office to ask a question. When I saw a jar of nuts on his desk, I automatically asked if I could have a few since I was a little rumbly. When I saw the nuts were coated with something, I looked at the ingredients and saw there were 4 g sugar. I opted to not eat the peanuts.
One interesting thing occurred yesterday. A friend of mine sent me an email that had a subject line of "WW????" and then had the information of a nearby Weight Watchers location in the body of the email. Now HG was the first friend I met after I moved here and we have a common problem with our elbows. hehe. Yeah - we're both fat. We actually met at a Weight Watchers meeting and then discovered that we worked at the same place. So, we basically became WW buddies first. We have a lot in common, but she's busy, I'm busy and we always seem to fall off the wagon.
Anyway, I called her and after playing phone tag for a while, we finally got to chat. I told her what I've been doing as far as eating is concerned and how I've been trying to write down how I was feeling in this blog. Hey HG! I know you're reading this.
I've been thinking about the conversation she and I had. It's almost like I can't fully explain how I feel or else I'll just fall apart. I mean I am just so SICK of being like this, just absolutely disgusted with myself. I've tried everything under the sun and nothing has worked. But to be honest, part of the reason it hasn't worked is because I haven't been honest with whatever plan I was on; more importantly, I haven't been honest with myself. I've had plenty of "I'll start tomorrow" moments, thousands of "Oh - this won't matter", and millions of excuses. And who was I screwing over???? ME!! Yeah - I was screwing myself over for something that temporarily tasted good in my mouth. That's so beyond stupid I want to slap the shit out of myself. So, I am just done lying to myself.
I still don't have a specific plan, but I am learning about me and getting in tune with my body and it really does give me a feeling of control. If I can keep this control, I think my battle is 3/4 over. Whatever I do, I'll have to do forever. Now do I think I won't ever eat ice cream again. No, it doesn't mean that at all, but it does mean I won't have it right now. And when I do have it, it will be because I consciously decided to eat it and not because I'm emotionally reacting to it. Shit - I've been like an impetuous five year old as far as food goes for the last so many years. It's time I start acting like the mother and establish limits for myself! That's what I'm trying to do.