Well...here I am...
But first, I came across a great quote yesterday and it's SO TRUE.
Wow - how simple. And how true! I've got to get rid of the excuses, get rid of all the baggage, and start (continue?) working for the thing I want. That's really the only way to get results. For me, this speaks to me and my weight loss efforts.
The excuses are all a part of this wacky emotional thing and how it's related to food. I've never had anything traumatic happen to me. Okay, there seemed to be a time where I was getting cancer every time I turned about, but I had this emotional eating thing going on before that. All the cancer did was REALLY open the floodgates. And yeah, it really fucked with my life for a while, but I'm still here telling the tale!
Anyway, I have this emotional thing with food. I know I do, but I can't even describe why it's so. I don't know if cutting the ties between the emotional satisfaction I get when I eat food and just eating food for nourishment is as simple as just being aware and on top of it until the ties are severed; or, if there's something else that I'm not aware of.
I can say that most of the time I feel differently about my current endeavors than I have in the past. I have this feeling of resolution and finality. This feeling has truly helped me remain cool and collected - calm in my head. I don't know if it's because "THIS IS IT" or what. Whatever it is, I'm very thankful to have the calmness because it allows me the time and objectivity to put food in its place.
In my previous efforts and plans, I always felt that I was in a race, that I had to be perfect, that I had to know it all. There was also a sense that I had to hurry up and lose the weight so I could get on with the rest of my life. I was putting my life on hold even though life was progressing day by day, week by week, and year by year. In the process, I was learning absolutely jack shit about how to deal with food, how to enjoy food in its proper place, how to eat food for nourishment and not for emotional satisfaction. Somehow I thought that once the weight was off, I would automatically have the wisdom, the knowledge, the end-all, the cure-all, and the be-all for everything that ailed me.
I think I've come to *really* understand that if I want to see the weight loss results I want and maintain my sanity for the rest of myself, I've got to make a lifestyle change that I can maintain for the rest of my life. I don't know what's happened, but I'm feeling strong and beginning to understand that this is for the rest of my life, for the long haul. I won't be perfect and there will be ups and downs, but I'll get there.
The only disclaimer I have with any of this is that until I've dropped a good amount of weight (and I kinda think I need to step it up), I need to be almost hypervigilant. There are some things that are not going to be part of my life right now. For instance, I currently only eat 1/2 cup of fruit a day in order to minimize sugar. I'm sure that will change one day, but not now. For now, I'm going to minimize sugar as much as I can. I haven't had more than 28 grams of sugar a day IN TOTAL since I started these current efforts. Of course, there's been some screw ups, but for the most part, less than 28 g/day has been the rule with few exceptions.
Anyway - that's all I've got tonight. It's been a successful day I think.