Thursday, April 10, 2014

Daydreaming

Well...here I am...

...daydreaming.

It seems to me that I daydream all the time and I only realized it recently.

Over the last few months, it's been about how things will be at different points in my weight loss.  I remember when I started in January, I thought about getting below that 272-273 range.  I thought that if I got below that weight, I would believe that I could continue on down to the bottom.

I remember thinking how wonderful it would be to have less than 100 lbs to lose.  Somehow have 99 lbs left to lose is somehow a lot better than having 101 lbs to lose.  Let me let you in on a little secret - there's no difference.

I think about what it's gonna be like when my weight hits that 249 mark and I'll be less than 250.  In some ways it seems "a long weigh away" (hey  - did you see what I just did there???)  But then, I think that I'm less than 5 lbs away from being in the 250s, which means that THEN I'll be only 10 lbs away from being at 249.  I could be there in two months - I think that's quite a reasonable time frame and not such "a long weigh away".

I wonder what it's gonna be like to see my daughter in May.  I've been mum to her on my weight loss.  She knows I'm trying to lose weight, but I don't talk about it too much.  I think she's gonna be pretty excited for her mama.  My son will be equally excited, but his feeling about it will be different - his reaction will be more tempered.  My daughter has never had a weight problem, but my son has and has successfully lost the weight and kept it off...all on his own.

I can imagine what my mother is gonna say.  No matter how much I weigh, she always says I look great.  But I know my mother and I know she's gonna be excited about it.  I'm not sure when I'm gonna see her next - possibly July.

What's it gonna be like when I'm less than 200?  What size am I going to be?  Will I have a curvy waist again?  What is my ass gonna look like?  Will I be able to see the definition in my jawline by then?

Our 30th anniversary is this year and we're planning to renew our vows.  It will be quite a light-hearted affair (but that's another blog).  I wonder what I'm going to look like when I'm standing there with hubby.  How is that going to compare to when I was standing with him all those years ago.

I use fatsecret to track my nutrition, but only intermittently track my weight there.  Every once in a while, when I enter back to back weights into fatsecret, it will look like a big loss and I'll get a message that says something like, "At this rate of loss, you'll reach your goal in 15 minutes."  OK - I'm exaggerating, but you get the point. Those messages make me think about how nice it would be to have all this weight off by Thanksgiving or Christmas.  That's not gonna happen, but still it's nice to dream.

When I enter my weight into my nerdy spread sheet each day, I'll put in various weights to see how the trend line would change.  The slope and intercept of the trend line in the graph gives me an estimate of when I'll reach my goal.  I imagine what it's gonna be like to not have to lose weight anymore.

I wonder what it's going to be like when I tell someone someday that I've lost over 100 lbs.  I imagine their surprise and comments, 'you don't look like you need to lose weight.'  Well, of course not dumbass, I've lost 100 lbs!!!

I wonder if I'll remember how hard the work was to get the weight off.  Will I respect my efforts?  Will I remember the past with my weight?  What will my memories of being overweight be like?

This daydreaming is one thing that's helping me to maintain my momentum, even when things aren't the greatest.  It's forward-looking and positive.  I don't know when it started really on such a regular basis.  I used to have a lot of negative weight-related thoughts, but they really are being replaced with all these daydreams.

Onward!

6 comments:

  1. waaa, I'm not on your blogroll! :(

    You are doing great, and it's only going to get better!!

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    1. Clearly - you overlooked your blog on my blogroll!!! ;-)

      Seriously, I had added you on the about me page and then didn't follow through on the main page.

      I love reading your blog, I'm happy you read my blog, and you're on my blogroll now! MUAH!

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  2. "Our 30th anniversary is this year and we're planning to renew our vows" ...that's great. Friends have done this too and it's very special.

    All the best Jan

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    1. Well thank you!!! We're looking forward to it!! 30 years is a long time - I just hope we have 30 more!

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  3. Daydreams like that are exactly how I keep my focus!!!!! Keep dreaming!!!

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    1. I'm glad I'm not the only one!! I've always been a dreamer - I used to call it "looking ahead".

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