Well...here I am...
...thinking about this stupid weather!!!
It's mid-April, tax day no less! What the hell is up with this dreadful weather?!?!?!
Here in the DC metro area, it's supposed to dip down into the 20's tonight!!! Hail??? Snow??? Seriously!?!??! Granted it's the high 20's, but still! I'm ready for buds on trees, flowers blooming, warm breezes, and everything else that spring brings!
So last night I posted about food triggers. Gwen made some good comments that I've been thinking about for much of the day. When I would eat like there's no tomorrow, it wouldn't be a particular food or a particular type of food, it was the feeling of being deprived that would trigger the eating. It could be rice and beans, chicken, whatever.
I'm still trying to figure out if there are sugar triggers. A year or so ago, I took a series of cake decorating classes. We'd have to bake a cake and then take it to class to learn how to decorate it. I threw all the cakes away because they were just TOO sweet. Plus, I'm not keen on box cake. I can take or leave chips with no problem.
If I stop and think about THE food that makes me just want to eat until I can eat no more, it would be my homemade macaroni and cheese. BUT, hand to God, I have that exactly twice a year - Thanksgiving and Christmas. So that's not it.
As for sugar itself, I think I used to have more sugar than I realized. I can feel a marked difference in my mood and my level of calmness. I'm much less likely to get mad and I've pretty much maintained an even keel. Weird, but I think, I believe, it's the lack of sugar. It could also be the lack of processed chemicals as well. I'm sure the folks who work for me appreciate it. Yeah me!
There are foods I like that I'm not currently eating that I will/may/probably/possibly eat in the future, but not now. Basically, white foods. This is to help me get this weight off. Gwen's recent description of eating strawberries (I think it was strawberries) made me want to eat some fruit. Let me say, I totally intend to add fruits back in at a higher quantity one day, I plan to stay away from processed foods for good and forever.
As for feeling deprived, I'm not sure where it comes from. Like I said last night, I remember how irritated I felt when I was told I couldn't eat anymore. Maybe that's it.
All I know is that I've got to figure out what it is that causes me to feel good about my choices sometimes, but feel terrible about those same choices at other times. Is it a lack of will that I need to strengthen, a weakness or something?
I have to figure this out because I have no intention AT ALL of losing this weight and then gaining it back because I haven't got my shit together. I'm not sure at all that I could do it a second time. I know some have done it - they're much stronger than I could ever be.