Monday, May 26, 2014

Gone back to Texas

Well...here I am...

 ...my daughter has gone back to Texas.  It was soul-soothing to have her back home if only for a few days.  After my travel next week, our son will be home for more soul-soothing.  We're really looking forward to it.

Like I said yesterday, we had a great time just being together.  The weather was great, so we spent most of our time on either the patio or the porch just hanging out.

While she was here, we took a lot of pictures and some of them are hilarious.  I decided that I would post one here as a progress photo.  It's similar to the photo that started it all.  Do those tatas look huge or what?  ;-)

May 2014
The original photo had so many different meanings.  It was the first time I'd really allowed myself to be willingly photographed.  My daughter told me that she didn't want to look back one day and not have any photos of us.  She doesn't see a fat mama, she just sees her mama.  However, when I saw the pic, all I saw was a fat, fat woman.  You've heard the saying, "the face that launched a thousand ships"?  Well, this picture launched my efforts to get this weight off once and for all.

October 2013
Having our daughter home this weekend was the first time I've spent any amount of time where my efforts have been in front of anyone except my husband.  While my daughter knew I was trying to get the weight off, she's not been here for the day to day.  There's no doubt she's happy I'm getting the weight off, but she sees it as just a diet.  Since she doesn't have a weight problem, I don't think she understands, maybe she can't understand, that this isn't a diet, but rather a new way of life at least where eating is concerned.  Several times she would ask if I could have this or have that.  It was very sweet and I explained how I was eating and my own personal parameters.

But there was something odd and I couldn't figure out what it was.

At the airport this morning, she mentioned that I drank diet soda this weekend.  She thought that she had caused me to go off my plan because she was under the impression that I had stopped drinking diet soda.  She said that, in the past, I had gone/quit whatever diet I was on when she was home and wanted to eat something that wasn't on said diet.  Hubster spoke up and said that I hadn't given it up, but that I didn't drink it often at all.  But that's been going on for about 3 years now - tea and water are my preferred beverages. 

As hubster and I walked back to the car after hugging her goodbye, I was thinking about the weekend and it dawned on me what the "odd" thing was - my daughter sees "this" as a diet, something temporary.  And finally, for the first time in my life, I truly understand that "this" is not a diet at all.

These last five months have been huge for me.  I'm so happy for the support I have, but I think the thing my daughter didn't realize was that what I'm doing isn't a matter of eating/not eating, but rather a way of eating for the rest of my life.  It isn't a matter of denying myself anything, but rather making the choices that are best for me.  It really is a matter of learning to eat to live and not live to eat.  When I am strong, focused, and have the proper mindset about food/eating, I can make the right choices with ease.  There's no one - NO ONE - that can make me make bad decisions.  It's ME making that decision.  I can be proud of that.

When I'm weak, my focused is blurred, and I've got food on the brain, the decisions I make are still mine and mine alone.  It's still ME making that decision.  I have to learn from those situations.

I'm not perfect, but I'm learning and getting the strength and the power within myself to make the permanent changes I have to make.  I don't have a choice.

I don't think there are too many people who really understand that.  But that's totally okay, cuz I'm the one in charge.

Onward!

9 comments:

  1. What GREAT, beautiful photos! But I understand seeing ourselves as fat, and not liking to be in photos. But your daughter is right; she just wants photos with you.

    Great post. GREAT post. I like where your mind is now!

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    1. Thanks Gwen - I appreciate it. It's still difficult for me to take photos and post them, but I'm working on it!

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  2. I loved the photos too! And it sure sounds like you've embraced a whole-hearted lifestyle change, and are not just "on a diet." So cool that you are forging onward with such great accomplishments and positive attitude!

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    1. Thanks Crabby - your words mean a lot. I'm trying my best to change this brain!

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  3. It's what you know that is important - I remember my husband saying things like I could have "whatever" once I was finished with my diet. Took him quite a while to realize that this was a forever thing...but he's embraced it wholeheartedly and has even lost some weight (and kept it off) himself! You are doing GREAT!

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    1. Thank you Shelley! It means a lot coming from you. I'm still working on the 'forever' part, but I'm getting it. It never occurred to me that others would have the same thoughts that I used to have.

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  4. I totally understand the different mind set, I am embarking on a lifestyle of eating myself - and somehow, I am not sure why/how, but this is different than any other time before. Reading your posts make me feel like I am not alone, however, I am still in charge of me, as you are in charge of you - Thanx for all the insight - Keep on keeping on !!

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    1. Thanks Sugar! It is different this time, isn't it? We just have to make sure it stays different!

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  5. There's nothing like having your daughter come home...mine is coming home this weekend. It's so great that you are feeling in charge and in control of your new way of eating. Long term, no end and as Sean Anderson says, no finish line. One day at a time. xxx

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