Well...here I am...
...thinking about the clothes in my closet.
Just let me say that shopping is not my favorite pastime. While most of the national chain stores carry larger sizes for us voluptuous women, it's difficult, at least for me, to find something that looks good. Maybe it's just me, but most of the clothing looks like shit - like it was made for someone in the circus with no sense of fashion. Now don't get me wrong, I'm no fashion maven, but I do want to look presentable.
Anyway, I have a closet full of clothes but nothing to wear. The sizes range from a medium to a 3x. Crazy! This morning as I was getting ready for work, I was perusing the closet and passed by a shirt with an "it's too small" thought. But then I thought, "Wait - it was too small 35 lbs ago." So I ironed the shirt and put it on.
It fit quite well! Of course, this elevated my mood and I went downstairs to make breakfast and lunch with a smile on my face.
While I was preparing breakfast and lunch, I leaned from one counter to the other and for just an instant, I had a thought in my head that my profile as I leaned from one counter to the other looked really good.
The very next instant that little inner voice said, "You can't possibly look good. You're still a 255 lb moose."
I was instantly deflated and my mood was tempered. I hate it when I have thoughts like that. In the past, thoughts like this have ruined my entire day and have caused me to throw in the towel.
Today it just made me a little sad and regretful. I mean, I'm down 30+ pounds and I still weigh over 250 pounds. It's quite easy to give it all up with so much row left to hoe.
But I tell ya what - while I've got a long way to go, I've already come a long way. (Do I sound like a cigarette commercial from the early 70's or what???) There's no way I can stop now.
I've got a weird little thought process about the whole thing. We all know it's shitloads easier to gain weight than it is to lose weight. If I hadn't made the decision in January to get my ass in gear, I could have been 30+ lbs heavier instead of 30+ lbs lighter. That IS a lot of weight. Instead of needing of lose 80 lbs at this point, I might have had 140 lbs to lose.
So instead of looking just at the weight I've lose so far, I try to imagine where the other path might have taken me. This might be a strange way of thinking, but I think there's some merit to it.
And no, I sure as hell don't look anything like what I'm going to look like when I'm at 175. But I look better than I did at 290! That is a very good thing.
I'm gonna have to start taking a closer look at some of the clothes in my closet...and I'm gonna go shopping.