Well...here I am...
...and I've had a good birthday. I talked with all of my family today, received birthday wishes from friends who referred to me with old endearments, someone sang to me, I received flowers, work was productive, I actually had a productive meeting, and had a nice dinner with hubster. I was remembered just the way I liked, I didn't have to contend with cake at work, and the scale was below 250! 249.2!!!!! Is that awesome or what???
But what's on my mind is dinner with hubster. We went to a steakhouse for dinner because I love steak. We ordered the appetizer - cheese stuffed mushrooms, some type of fried shrimp, and chicken eggrolls. I was all about the mushroom and the shrimp, but I left the chicken eggrolls alone. Carby indeed. Dinner was a steak with a double salad.
That's all well and good, but the thing on my mind is the dessert. Dessert for my birthday this year was totally different experience from my birthdays in previous years. TOTALLY.
As was the case tonight, dessert has always been a part of a birthday dinner (and lots of non-birthday dinners as well!!) Usually, I would order THE most decadent dessert I could possibly get. Honestly, my thought process was like OMG I'VE GOT TO HAVE THIS DESSERT, I WILL DIE IF I DON'T
GET THIS DESSERT. WHEN WILL I EVER BE ABLE TO HAVE IT AGAIN? I'VE GOT
TO HAVE IT NOW!!! Somehow I *deserved* the dessert and was almost panicky at the thought of something keeping me from having it. I would also talk hubster into getting dessert for himself as well because I didn't want to share. If he didn't want a dessert for himself and I had to share, I was irritated and was actually pissy and a bit possessive of MY dessert - it's like I was never taught to share as kid or something. I can distinctly remember getting irritated when hubster ate more of MY dessert because that meant there was less for me. It's almost like a crazed animal was in my head. In my mind, I wanted to surround the dessert and keep it from anyone else.
That's pretty fucked up, but that's honestly how it WAS. Food chatter indeed! More like a food brawl!
For this birthday, I certainly could have said no to a dessert, but I did want a treat (and it was free). The biggest difference was that I wasn't crazed about it and actually asked hubby what he wanted since I truly wanted to share it with him. After making the selection of a brownie sundae with vanilla ice cream and whipped cream, I asked the waitress to make sure it was a small dessert. After we got it, hubster and I shared. I didn't keep an eye on how much hubster ate; hell, hubster even had the dessert on his side of the table. After a few bites, I realized that I didn't want anymore.
Do you know what I did?
I put my spoon down and stopped!
That is so incredibly awesome. But the best thing is that it was natural. There was no internal argument, there was no fuss, there was no struggle. I had my taste and my taste was quickly satisfied. I actually savored it. I noticed that the first and second bites were about equally good, but the third bite was just okay. Just okay wasn't a reason to keep eating.
I think I may have learned something - I feel like I got a 100 on an exam.