Well...here I am...
It's the end of Monday and it was a good day. I've had two good nights of sleep, so I was able to get up this morning, and get going. I made lunches from leftovers and had a smoothie for breakfast.
I had some nuts for a snack and then some mozarella with sopressata and proscuitto when we got home.
We had the pre-cooked cooked chicken stuffed with wild rice and mushrooms that we bought at Costco along with some fresh green beans for dinner. The beans were awesome; the chicken kinda sucked. We won't be buying it again and hubster will have the leftovers for lunch while I take the leftover pork loin. The problem with the chicken was that it was over-marinated and had a too-smooth texture that just wasn't appealing to me.
When I woke up this morning, my first thought was, "All I have to do is today." It might not make a whole lot of sense, but it was the thought I had and kept me a bit centered, a little calmer, and helped me breathe. I reminded myself of that thought several times today - it kept me from getting all riled up n'shit.
Instead of trying to do 50 things to get my ducks all lined up again, I'm going to do two things: 1) Get enough sleep, 2) take it one day at a time, perhaps even one hour at a time. If I'm rested I think I'll be able to make better decisions and stay on top of the negative stuff that creeps in.
Hubster commented this evening that he thought it was the PMSing that led to the disaster that was late last week. He could be on to something, but that's the first time it's happened, so who knows? I just don't want it to happen again.
It still kicks my ass how I, how anyone, can do so well for such a long period of time and then everything goes to hell. While it is true that the failure isn't in falling, it's in not getting back up. But still, the process is a mystery to me. I thought today that I had a glimpse into what caused it for me, but then almost as soon as I had the thought, it evaporated. What is the first chink in the armor that leads to falling off the wagon?
What do I need to do to keep it from happening again? How do I keep the determination, the strength to keep going? It will come, but I almost think there's some sort of mind block that's keeping me from thinking too deeply about it. Does that make sense? Like there are other things I have to figure out first, but I don't know what they are.
But like I say every time I post....here I am...and I'll succeed, and fall, and regroup, and keep on for as long as I have to. I don't have to be embarrassed about being fallible and I'll be here in the end.