Well...here I am...
....I think I may be settling down and settling in.
I'm not 100%, but my level of awareness is increasing and the good decisions are greatly outweighing the poor choices. The excuses are happening less often - the last several days have been on point. I just have to make sure tomorrow is too. And yannow what? I'm pretty sure it will be.
Crabby McSlacker commented on my last blog about how effort/stress in one part of your life can lead you to putting others areas that require willpower on the sidelines. That's clearly what I've done. The problem - the thing that pulled me up - was I had the "it can't happen to me" attitude. Then when it DID start happening that evil little voice of "it'll be okay, don't worry about it" became a regular occupant of my inner voice.
Crabby's comments really struck home with me and caused me to think a lot about how to put all my shit in one sock. It was, it is, and it will forever be - a work in progress.
And that's okay.
I've been working to notice and take heed of those moments and decisions that can lead me down the wrong path. For instance, I finally had some alone time yesterday with hubster doing his own thing at home and then going to see some guys at work for guy night. I was invited to hang out with the spouses, but didn't want to.
So yesterday morning, I had an egg and cheese omelet and then went on my way. There was a local craft fair that I wanted to check out and then I needed to do some clothes shopping. After the craft show, I realized that I was *really* hungry. It had been about 6 hours since I had eaten. There were a lot of fast food places around and I decided on Chick-fil-A. When I got in the drive-thru and looked at the menu board, I thought of all sorts of stuff. I thought of how I used to take my grandmother there to get a chicken sandwich - I can still see her eating it in my mind. She enjoyed them so much and had an odd way of holding the sandwich.
Then I started looking at all the options on the menu board and it all looked appealing. Then I thought, "AHA! This is exactly NOT the way I need to be thinking." At that moment, it was my turn to order, so I told the girl to wait for a second. Finally, I asked her for the smallest nugget order with no fries and a drink. I was in a situation - that I put myself in - that could have gone dramatically different. I realized that what I needed was just enough to not be hungry - and 4 nuggets was it. Kinda interesting how a good memory momentarily fogged my decision-making process.
After doing some serious damage clothes shopping since I need to dress professionally in the new job and I've kinda been limping along (yuck - I do miss my jeans-wearing days at work), it was another 5 hours later and I was hungry again. Hubster wasn't home for dinner, so I was left to my own devices. I got takeout from a steak restaurant and came home to eat. I had ordered a side house salad and plain sweet potato with the steak; however, there were also 4 rolls that they had put in the bag. And kudooz to me - yes I know I spell it rong HA! - I put those little puppies in the refrigerator for hubby to have later.
Both those decisions came from a place of awareness and consciousness. While those decisions by themselves aren't earth-shattering by themselves, it's the sum of all those little decisions that are, indeed, earth-shattering and are gonna be the difference and make all the difference in my eventual success.
I also think about all the other folks I've been reading over the last year or so. Each time I go to the salad bar at work, I think of Gwen writing, "NO CROUTONS". I think of how successful Diva has been on her journey and how much fortitude she's got. I think of Crabby and imagine what she'd say to me. I think of Karla and how she's struggling, but sticking with it. I think of Lori and how she stays with it even when she's frustrated. I think of Kitty who is finally at a weight she likes. And doggone it, every time I read Sean Anderson's blog, I feel like he's been spying on me or something - he always hits home!
Finally, I really don't want to have to re-lose any more weight. This shit has been hard, but so very worth it. I can either lose the weight I've re-gained and keep going from there or I can continue to gain the weight I lost - I don't want to do a 360 - just a 180!
It's a simple choice. And I'm a smart woman.