Well...here I am...
I had a visit with a new doctor yesterday.
Given my medical history and my permanent need for thyroid medication, I have to keep a doctor around. And just let me say, it can take time to train a new doctor. I've been known to walk out on a doctor when they don't realize that we're partners. I'm not of the mind that doctors are necessarily smarter than the patient. Besides, no one is more invested in my continual breathing than me.
I was a bit nervous about how the new doctor would react when he found out he had a two-time cancer patient on his hands. He handled it well and didn't over-react. He's only the second doctor I've had that's done that.
Hubster had seen him the day before. When I asked him how it went, he told me the doctor said, "Look fatty - you've got to lose 30 pounds in the next six months." Shit - I damn near went apoplectic. He didn't tell me he was joking until yesterday morning. Bonehead.
When I weighed yesterday morning, the scale was up 1.4. The increase was totally due to dinner out the night before with a girlfriend - chicken wings and curds. Not particularly bad, but not the norm. Eating out regardless of what it is always leads to a short-term increase on the scale the next morning. I believe it's because of the sodium because I can feel it in my hands.
So here's the mind game.
I knew I had to weigh at the doctor's office, so in the morning, I thought that I would eat breakfast and then not eat/drink anything for the rest of the day so the scale wouldn't be so heavy.
What kind of horseshit is that? How many times have I done that before? How many other people do the very same thing.
There are times that I don't eat until very late in the day but it's because I get busy and things get in the way. Purposely planning to do it because of a number on a scale and the doctor will go "tsk tsk"??
I realized that it was a true emotional reaction and I so don't want to be emotional about weight anymore because it's a big contributor to why my ass is the size of a barn. I want to be normal. Just normal - nothing more, nothing less.
It turned out the day way busy, but I got a bowl of soup from the cafeteria. Normal size - not super-sized or anything. I'm a big drinker, so I drank throughout the day. And on the hour drive back to town to see the doctor I still drank.
When I got to the office, of course I had to pee. I pee 5042 times a day because I drink so much. And when I weighed?
Well when I went to get on the scale I pre-set it up about 6 pounds from what I weighed in the morning. It was later in the day, I had clothes on, and I had eaten and drank throughout the day. It's natural that the number on the scale would be higher.
But the scale was a little bit less than what I weighed in the morning! The nightmare number I had expected did not materialize.
It was a good lesson to learn...at a good time too.
The doctor was just about right. We had a good conversation and he seemed to be more of a helper/partner than a dictator - always a good thing.
He obviously asked about my history and my current diet. I told him about the previous weight loss and the total regaining. He simply asked what happened. I don't think I totally understood...totally realized...totally GOT...why I gained the weight back until I told him yesterday.
I gained it back because everything else became more important. On the list of importance, I was #158. There are other things that contributed of course, but they're all secondary to the root cause of not making myself #1. I have no defense other than it's sometimes hard to juggle everything.
Anyway, we talked more and he didn't offer a diet, but rather asked me about my diet. I told him I was not eating processed sugar at all, at least 30 g protein at each meal, and not worrying about fat content at all. He said - and I quote - "You clearly know what you're doing."
WHAT?????? A doctor who's good with not worrying about fat???? AWESOME!!!
I think I may love this doctor. I so appreciate that he's not scared of fat and protein.
We talked a bit about fruit. Last time, I didn't eat any fruit except for strawberries/blueberries. This time I'm eating about one piece of fruit a day. He said the fruit wouldn't hurt anything. I commented that sugar was sugar. He countered that you get more from fruit than just sugar and that the fiber and other nutrients were good things. That may be true, but I still think that cruciferous vegetables are better for you than fruit. But OK, I'll concede....a little.
I see him again on December 15 and he said he thinks I could lose 20 pounds by then and 50 pounds over the next year. So...there's a challenge.
On another note, I'm leaving this evening for Austin to attend my daughter's best friend's wedding. It's going to be a challenging weekend and I'm still figuring out how I'm going manage and keep on track. Oddly, I feel like I have a block and I can't think clearly about what the challenges may be - almost like an avoidance mentality. I think it's too soon in this restart to have to restart again, so I've got to figure it out. I'm going to try to keep it all in sight without fixating.