Saturday, January 9, 2016

An insight maybe?

Well...here I am...

...having an insight maybe?

I talked with a Texas friend of mine who had the gastric sleeve surgery on 1/4.   She said she had been trying with little/no success over the last year to lose weight.  She felt this was her last option.  I'm happy for her and will support her in her decision and in her success.  I could not make the same decision.

When I talked with the doctor in December, he suggested meds.  I flat out told him that would never be an option - surgery isn't either.  I've thought about that bit of the conversation since then and have really thought about it since my chat with my friend.

For me, I would not take meds to lose weight because I've never heard of one that doesn't have hefty side effects that apply to a large group of the patient population.  Secondly, I don't think taking meds or having surgery would teach me a damn thing.

***Can I just say right here that hubster is downstairs kicking the shit out of aliens???  I can hear the bass or reverb or whatever it is up here!***

The most important thing though is that when I think about those things - surgery and drugs - and me in the same sentence, it really is a mentally loud "hell no" with a rush of the belief that I can do this on my own.  It's not like I'm the first person to ever lose weight and I won't be the last.  Clearly, it isn't a road filled with flowers and sunshine; there's all sorts of rocks and holes in the road, but I'm learning to maneuver them and I will be successful.  Period.

To that end, I've read a few blogs this week that have combined to give me a little bit of insight in to....something.  I feel like I know a little bit more...have a greater understanding...than I did earlier in the week.

The first was one of Sean Anderson's blogs this week.  He wrote,
"And sacrificing things important to me will not make any of those things happen faster or better.

Maintaining the integrity of the plan is paramount to my success. My non-negotiables can remain stable in my fundamental elements stream even when my life stream experiences instability."
That really struck me and I've gone back several times to read just that.

The other was a blog that I read earlier today - Dear Diet Monster.  Kerstin, the blogger, wrote about the resistance monster and how she's been practicing resistance for so long that it's second nature.  It was an awesome blog - and in essence, she's learning to face her own resistance.  She and I are very similar in some ways.  And can I just say that I LOVE her hair!

Since I was a young child, I never wanted to follow the rules and would push the limit of everything.  To be fair, it is part of the reason I've been successful.  But to be honest with myself, it's also like me saying black when someone else says white...just because.  It's not that I'm disagreeable - I don't think.  Rather, I'm just gonna do it my way...whatever that way is.  I don't want to do it your way...dammit.

Anyway, those two blogs merged for me into this understanding that I do indeed have a list of non-negotiable fundamental elements.  However, at various times, they haven't been 'non-negotiable' or 'fundamental'.  I think this comes about because of my own personal "resistance monster".  I've got to come to terms with the fact that I must have some non-negotiables here.  The good thing about this is that they are of my own choosing.  And they aren't difficult, they aren't insurmountable, they aren't undoable, and they definitely aren't unliveable.  I wrote them down in one of my first blogs.

I've got to learn to separate the non-negotiable fundamental stream from the shit-happens-this-is-life-deal-with-it stream.  One does NOT have to depend on the other.  One way to do that is to get my own personal resistance monster on my side and change the face of my resistance.  Change it so that I don't resist doing "good", but rather resist doing "bad".  Change it so that it's hard to fall off the wagon instead of being hard to stay on the wagon.

One thing my friend and I discussed today was how food had been a "friend" to both of us at various points.  Then I realized and said that food was a rotten fucking bitch - a friend wouldn't do this to us.  AND THEN, I realized it wasn't the food that had put me in the spot I'm in.  THEN I had this feeling insight - I mean I could FEEL it - that food is nothing and I am everything.  I hope to get that feeling again for longer.

At this moment, I feel on-point and have clarity for the road ahead.

Onward!

4 comments:

  1. I've had the same reaction to Sean's blog about the two streams. Such a simple yet profound observation. It's really helping my mindset.

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  2. I get this. Totally. And I SO admire Sean and his ability to treat most sugar as a non-negotiable.

    I just woke this morning stupidly early again, and the wheels started turning again, and I had a brand spankin new light bulb moment. I'm off to write about it now. :)

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  3. I have an aunt that has had the gastric bypass and basically in her words what the surgery did for her....was to make eating poorly and eating too much a non-negotiable act. She mentioned once that she realized after the surgery that if she could stop indulging in poor food choices after the surgery because she HAD to then she should have been able to stop before the surgery because she WANTED to!

    That said....pill are only a quick fix. Surgery is not teaching us anything (and I know people that have regained after surgery). This journey that I have been on has taught me so much about myself.....and that's a good thing!!

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  4. I'm so glad the resistance monster post resonated with you! And everything you say here about it makes so much sense to me, too. I totally understand that feeling when you have these insights, it's very powerful and encouraging. I love it when I get these glimpses into clarity and trust.

    I also love Sean's blog and his whole weight-loss philosophy! I eventually came up with my own fundamental elements and put them in the sidebar of my blog and promptly forgot about them! What I am learning more and more is that we each have to find our own way with this. Which, for me, means calorie counting and learning to listen to my body and dealing with the complexity of the emotional side of overeating. And for others it may mean surgery or pills. I strongly believe that if we can find a method of portion control that works for us, then the subsequent act of losing weight can free us up to face the underlying causes of our obesity and help us make the appropriate long-term changes that will put us on a healthier and happier path.

    Sharing our journeys on our blogs is also a big part of this that helps me so thank you for sharing yours! xo

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