Saturday, January 9, 2016

What I want

Well...here I am...

...thinking about what I want.

Since buying our current house, we've done some extensive remodeling.  If I say so myself, it's quite beautiful and hubster and I are quite pleased.  We've basically completed the main floor with the exception of a few rooms.  We're planning now to start on the basement.  It's a walkout basement and has a beautiful view of the mountains.  Its renovation will be just as intense but not quite as intrusive.

Anyway, thinking today about what we were going to do and making some sketches got me to thinking about what I want for me.

I want...in no particular order...to:

- be a normal weight
- not worry about food
- not wear plus-sized clothing when my children get married
- get a really short hair cut like Jamie Lee Curtis
- have normal blood pressure
- be active
- WANT to be active.  I'd like to not have to force it or dread it
- feel physically strong and know that I am
- put on my socks without straining.  I used to be able to keep my legs straight, bend over, and put my palms on the floor behind my feet with the heels of my hands touching the heels of my feet.
- wear something like skinny jeans with black boots (with heels).
- have a multitude of choices in clothing and not settle with what I can get to fit.

There's a lot more that I'd add to the list, but it comes and goes and that's all I can think of at the moment.  Most all of those things depend on me so long as I get and keep my shit together for the long term.

Today was a good day.  We were thawing chicken for dinner, but it was still frozen so what did we do?  Yup - we went out to eat.  However, I had a hankering for fresh fish, so we went to a local restaurant where I had trout almondine, veggies, and a salad - no beer and no bread.  I'd never had the dish before.  Interestingly, it was just baked trout with some toasted almonds on it.  When I checked out a couple recipes after I got home, I realized it was nothing like what I had.  It was still quite good though.  That's Idaho for you!

Another thing was a package I received today.  I wrote a few days ago about how I needed some sort of snacks.  There's always nuts, but that get's old.  And I'd be flat out lying if I said I didn't like chocolate, so I looked around and found a pecan turtle cluster-type candy.  No sugar at all, but it does have xylitol - a sugar alcohol.

This is where I'm obsessing a bit, which in turn causes me to question myself and shake my confidence.  So, real, unprocessed food is what's best.  This is clearly neither of those.  However, it is low-carb and does scratch an itch.  Is that okay?  The perfectionist part of me says that I shouldn't have an itch at all; the realistic part of me calls bullshit and says it's okay to find a suitable substitute; the obsessive part of me wonders whether this is a suitable substitute or not.  Chatter, chatter, chatter.

Sometimes I just feel like a nutjob and overwhelmed at the road ahead.

Onward!

5 comments:

  1. I love your list of what you want for yourself. I think they are ALL totally doable!!!!

    The WANTING to be active is only contingent upon you finding something that you truly love....and maybe just maybe combining it with something fun. For example, Zumba for me was ok....but combining it with a room full of gals that quickly became my good friends......AWESOME! I actually many times referred to zumba as my social hour. :-)

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  2. You're not a nut job. We all go through those questions...is this okay? Can I live with this? If it's okay for so and so, does that mean it's not okay for me? You're talking it out, figuring it out and therefore the road ahead will have successes!

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  3. My list and your lists are quite similar. However, I've never been that limber and now my artificial hips won't allow that kind of movement.

    As far as the sugar alcohol goes, I say have it to scratch the itch. It is better than the alternative. And, I believe in time, the itch will fade.
    Lori

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  4. Being able to wear skinny jeans is, like, my ultimate goal. I have the biggest thighs ever!

    The road ahead is definitely overwhelming. We just need to stay on it:)

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  5. I totally get it. I've rejected sugar free and even paleo type of desserts; for fear it keeps the monster alive. And yet, the monster is still here, so...?

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