Well...here I am...
...I screwed up and I'm trying to figure it out.
#1. I'm at that "age". And after not having a period for several months, I started earlier in the week. Dammit. But no big deal really.
#2. Work has been good lately, but there are never enough hours in the day to get it all done, so there are spikes and peaks of intense stress at work.
#3. I took a first look at our taxes for last year. Not good.
Then I was in training for a full day at a time when I didn't need to be away from the office.
So - I'm going along "...handling shit like a baws"...lol...and Thursday training day comes along. Since I didn't have to drive out to work, my commute went from 35 minutes to 5 minutes which meant that I got to sleep in later. I burrowed down in the those covers like I was on vacation.
Hubster was in the same training class, so we decided to ride together. We prepare differently for our day since we've been here, so there was a bit of scrambling. Hubster will usually make something for himself in the morning - something microwaveable - and he did so for me as well. I had not stopped to think that I wouldn't be able to get my normal bacon/sausage at work, so I grabbed the two breaded chicken tenders that he had made and out the door we went.
By lunchtime, I was hungry because the breakfast wasn't sufficient. So to the cafeteria we went. Totally different set up with totally different food. There was no mixing and matching to be done, so I went and looked at the soups. There was a chicken noodle soup and a tortilla soup. I opted for the lesser of two evils - the tortilla soup.
Well - it was terrible. Lots of beans - not so bad, but lots of rice - yuck, very little protein - more yuck, and tasteless. But okay - this was doing the best in a bad situation.
Mid-afternoon comes and my stomach is GROWLING and I.WANT.TO.EAT!
There are two folks at my table of 7 who have a bag of trail mix. I hadn't seen a vending machine of any sort, but I ask them where they got it from. There was no vending machine and had gotten it from a celebration they had passed by. One fellow offered me some of his bag and I took it. Fortunately, it was at the bottom of the bag and it was all sunflower seeds. That was interesting - he thought he had taken all the good stuff and I thought he had left all the good stuff! Goes to show - one man's junk is another man's treasure.
So that little snack helped a little, but it seems the stage was set.
After the class was over, hubster and I decided to go get some dinner before we headed home. We've been at odds this week, so it was a nice thing.
Before we even get in the restaurant, I know what I'm going to get - the ahi tuna appetizer with a side salad. It's a good-sized appetizer and the salad just finishes it off. My co-worker ordered it one time and I thought it was perfect.
Well - that's what I ordered.
Along with fried mushrooms.
Along with fried mozarella cheese sticks.
Along with fried sausage-stuffed jalapenos.
Along with two pieces of unagi.
And let me tell you - I did this without a thought to ANYTHING. There was nothing in my brain that told me to stop. I only stopped because I was full - really full. I thought about even getting dessert but didn't - don't need the sugar yannow. What a crock! *smacks self*
On the way home, I felt terrible - my stomach hurt and I had some sort of heartburn/indigestion. As I was walking through the hallway into our bedroom, I was talking to myself about how poorly I felt. Then I realized that the very day before, I was in the exact same spot thinking about how good my body felt when I treated it well.
Well - I blew that all to shit.
I'm still a little numb to that little...big...eating episode. There's nothing I can do about it now and I've been fine since then. Yesterday, I had Goetta and smoked salmon for a late breakfast and then salmon and asparagus for dinner. I had my little snack things as well. It was a fine day.
The thing about it is that my plan was good and opting for ONE of those extra things would have been okay, but ALL of them? Where does this come from? Part of it was lack of preparation for the day. I had not had enough to eat throughout the day and I was hungry going in...too hungry. But is that all of it? I dunno.
How do I learn better control? How do I keep my wits about me?