Tuesday, October 23, 2018

10/23/2018

Well...here I am...

I will be going to work tomorrow since I didn't win the lottery tonight.  Oh well.

The stress level has been pretty high.  My job would be much easier if it weren't for the people.  We're also STIL remodeling our house.  Currently, the master, my office, the media room, and the kitchen are in the midst of some type of renovation.  I'll post pictures one day.

Food-wise, weight-wise, mind-wise - I'm working on it each and every day.  I've been trying to stick with the no added sugar/no white food thing.  Some folks don't think it's a good idea, but I believe I'm starting to learn that I just can't...I just can't.  It doesn't lead to good things for me.

When I was successful way back in 2014, it was from cutting out white foods and I felt great.  The toughest part was kicking the initial sugar craving and trying to ensure I had some variety.  Even with that though, I'm also learning that during the week, boring is good.  I'm so busy, I don't want to have to think about what/how to cook.

This past weekend, hubster cooked 8 monstrous chicken breasts and roasted a huge bag of broccoli - I've fallen in LOVE with roasted broccoli.  He also roasted a bunch of red and yellow peppers and fresh green beans.  I roasted some brussel sprouts.  That's what we've been eating this week and while it's boring, it's working for me.  Breakfast is the toughest for me, but I have some tuna, cheese, and stuff like that.

I've got some funky hormonal issues going on that I'm trying to get figured out.  One doctor wants to try some really crazy shit.  While I'm about willing to try anything, I'm not willing to do stupid.  I had an appointment with my regular doctor, but he had an emergency so I had to see another doctor who was just a complete asshole and offered no discussion or help.  So I have to wait until January to see my regular doc.

Anyway.

It's a work in progress.  Right now, I'm strong and trying to figure out what it is that's making me strong, so I can pull from it when I'm not feeling so strong.

Onward.

Tuesday, October 2, 2018

10/01/2018

Well...here I am...

Things are going well.  Something is cogitating in this ol' head of mine.  I've got an intense couple of days coming up, so hopefully I'll be able to get it all out into words this weekend.

The scale is down...below 300.  I'm happy with that.  I think I have to get a new scale.  It used to be bang on and consistent every time.  Now it will show a range of weights after multiple weighings.

I have a HUGE interview on Wednesday - an all day interview...for a job that I never even thought I'd be considered.  One thing I had to do was take a suite of personality, leadership, and values tests.  I met with the interpreter today.  He was very complimentary overall, but said that I'm hypercritical of myself and just too damn hard on myself - no kidding!  I also scored very high on the skeptical band. Well...there you go.  I never think anything is going to work!

That sounds pretty terrible, but it's not as bad as it sounds.

That's about it for now.

Thursday, September 27, 2018

09/27/2018

Well...here I am...

I'm trying hard to stay on top of things.

I have an important interview next week, I've returned to work, hubster is on travel, and I'm behind on everything!

I had a personnel issue this week that frustrated me...still does actually.  Anyway, I needed to go to Sam's because I had to pick lunch for the next day for my staff meeting and cleaning supplies for the cleaning lady.  I was so irritated that I forgot the cleaning supplies.  So I had to go back the next day to get the cleaning supplies.

Now Dairy Queen is right down the road and it was such a pull.  I had to do a lot of talking to myself to not visit the place.  Well - I was successful on both occasions and did not make the visit.

I also had to make a visit to Walmart last evening.  By this time, it was getting late, I was tired, and I was hungry.  One side of my brain told me to just stop and get Culver's; the other side told me to just go home and heat up one of the chicken quarters I had bought along with the prepared salad I had bought from Sam's.

I overcame that draw as well.  While I was at Walmart, I did buy a can of spaghetti - comfort food to be sure.  Not the best choice, not the worst choice - better than it could have been.

I am struggling at work - seems there's always something going on and there's always a bowl of candy; I'm avoiding it, but not always successful.

It is a work in progress.  I am a work in progress.

Monday, September 24, 2018

09/24/2018

Well...here I am...

I'm still here.  It's just been a rough few days.

I have 10 hour days at work.  I was told that I needed to take it easy when I returned to work, but I ended up working more than 23 hours over two days.  Then I did a parade of homes with a friend of mine.  It took two days to go through all the homes.  As I was getting out of her truck on the first day, I wrenched my back and that put the kibosh on any more homes on Friday.  On Saturday, my back felt a bit better, but my right knee felt like it was the size of a football.  But I took ibuprofen and forged ahead.  When it was all said and done, I collapsed.  I over-did it and now I'm taking a day and chilling.

Food-wise, it's been a "learning" time.  Before we left each day, I made sure I ate in order to minimize poor eating.  It didn't exactly work out the way I planned.

On the first day, my friend suggested we stop and get a Blizzard.  I had the attitude of "I can have this - I'll be good later."  This is not an attitude that is conducive to successful weight loss - at least not for me.  In any event, she ordered and ordered LARGES.  I honestly was not paying attention to what she ordered when she placed the order.  When I'm on my own, I order a medium, which really isn't any better.

Then on the second day, one of the homes had made freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.  I didn't have just one cookie - I had 6.  This isn't good either.

I really, REALLY have to cut out the added sugar.  It's not good for me and I know this.  I will work to do better and work to stay on top of my emotions.  I can't delay this until later and I have to take ownership - I have to take the lead in this.  I can't allow myself to be influenced by others when it comes to poor food behavior.  It's my ass...literally!

Hubster left for travel and will be gone for a bit.  I generally make a trip to Sam's and get a big ol' salad and a pork roast to put in the crock pot to eat for the week.  I didn't feel like going anywhere, so I just stayed home and ate leftovers out of the refrigerator.  Hubster had grilled a huge pile of green beans along with some yellow, red, and orange peppers - they are so good.  I also had some leftover salmon and grilled chicken.  So those were good choices.

I spent some time today reading about weight loss and health.  I'm formulating what I want to do.  I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday, so I'll talk with him then and get his opinion.

I clearly don't have my ducks in a row, but it's a work in progress.  I'm hanging in there.


Tuesday, September 18, 2018

09/18/2018 - First Day Down

Well...here I am...

Day 2 and I'm posting.

It wasn't a bad day.  Had to go to medical at work to get released to return.  I've been home for 7 weeks following surgery.  While I didn't do a bunch, the outing left me quite tired.  I'm not sure how I'm going to maneuver a 10-hour work day tomorrow,

Food-wise, it was a good day.  I did what I said I was going to do.  I didn't eat any added sugars or any bread.  Hubster met me for lunch and we had tortilla soup.  I made sure I took the tortillas out.  It was a huge bowl of soup, so it was enough.  For dinner, we had bought one of those big spinach salads from Sam's with grilled chicken, feta, blueberries, strawberries, and walnuts.  It has two small containers of salad dressing, so we each had one.  We added additional chicken and feta - it was perfect.

The scale wavered from 305.2 to 306.6 this morning.  I've logged 306.6 - it's about what I thought it was, so no surprise.  Disappointment, but not surprise.

I'm gonna get to bed earlier tonight and see if I can get more sleep.  A bit of sleepy time tea and a little melatonin will hopefully help.

I'm gonna try to do the same thing tomorrow - no added sugar and no bread and keep it to real food and veggies.  While I would really like to wake up and be a normal weight, I didn't get here in one night.  I'm going to work hard to keep frustration at bay.  One foot in front of the other.

09/18/2018 - Gotta try something

Well...here I am...

It's a bit past midnight.  I don't know what I'm gonna do, but I've got to do something.  My weight is up - higher than it's ever been.  It's looming around 305 I believe; I'm too afraid to get on the scale because I'll make myself mad, but I have resigned myself to weighing in the morning.

It's amazing how this whole weight thing can just fuck up your entire psyche.  My life is good, but this weight is such a distraction.  While there are a few medical things that exacerbates the issue and confound my doctors, in the end, it's me.

My work life is awesome and hubster is still awesome.  Still take BP meds and thyroid meds too (since I don't have a thyroid).

My internal med doctor had me taking topiramate and phentermine for a little over a year.  I successfully gained 4 lbs.  In the midst of all that, he also had me doing some fasting.  I would fast from Sunday evening to Wednesday morning every two weeks.  Of course, I'd drop 10 pounds easy, but when I ate, it would all come back on - clearly all water weight.

I decided to see a functional medicine doctor to see if he could help.  He did a ton of bloodwork and it's definitely outta whack, but this guy wants to do ultraviolet blood irradiation, molecular H2, and all that stuff that I can't buy into.  Kinda funny, but my testosterone and Free T3 are high - indications of a great metabolism in women.  They can't quite figure it out.  I have stopped the topiramate/phentermine combination, which I believe has helped me gain additional weight.  Great.

Then a scare - had a badly needed hysterectomy.  I'll spare the details, but there were tons of fibroids, adenofibromas, and a rare thecoma.  Fortunately, everything came back benign.

I've gotta give this another shot.  I was so successful before and had my head in the game.  I want to live a long time, so I've got to get my shit together.  I've thought about trying WW again, but I'm not sure.

Tomorrow, I'm gonna shoot for no added sugar, no bread, and concentrate on veggies and clean, wholesome food.  Not gonna shy away from fats.

Here's hoping I do well...and that I come back and write some more.

Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Another new year

Well...here I am...

It's another new year...where does the time go?

There've been so many awesome things - and some not so awesome - that have happened in the last year that it's hard to know where to begin, so I don't know that I'll try to recap them all.  But I suppose that since I started this blog in an effort to maintain accountability in my weight loss efforts, perhaps I should start there.

It hasn't been good.  I'm not where I started, but I was...and then some, but I recovered.  And that's a good thing.  My doctor determined that I actually have a slow/low metabolism.  He prescribed a topiramate/phentermine combination.  After a six month stint - I lost a total of 13 lbs.   While I found menopause to be a wonderful thing in many ways, it was a total bitch in others.  Slowing weight loss being one of them.

But if I'm honest, there seems to be a lack of clarity I had at first.  While I can blame some of it on age, I don't think that's all of it.   Part of it is the lack of focus on me.

Since originally starting this blog, my life has changed quite a bit - almost a 180.  Some things are the same, but others are vastly different.

I live on the other side of the country, I have a totally different job, hubster and I are empty nesters, we've lost three of our four dogs due to old age, there's more demands on my time, I have less free time, there's more stress, and I seem to be getting sick regularly.

In 2017, I had shingles twice, cellulitis once, and weird viruses/colds/flu that laid me out for 3 weeks - twice.

In short, I need to take better care of myself - more rest, less stress, more delegation, more saying 'no', more focus on 'me'.  I think if I can focus on me more, I can do better, feel better, and perhaps lose a little bit more weight.  Let's see if that works.

Onward!