Well...here I am...
It's a bit past midnight. I don't know what I'm gonna do, but I've got to do something. My weight is up - higher than it's ever been. It's looming around 305 I believe; I'm too afraid to get on the scale because I'll make myself mad, but I have resigned myself to weighing in the morning.
It's amazing how this whole weight thing can just fuck up your entire psyche. My life is good, but this weight is such a distraction. While there are a few medical things that exacerbates the issue and confound my doctors, in the end, it's me.
My work life is awesome and hubster is still awesome. Still take BP meds and thyroid meds too (since I don't have a thyroid).
My internal med doctor had me taking topiramate and phentermine for a little over a year. I successfully gained 4 lbs. In the midst of all that, he also had me doing some fasting. I would fast from Sunday evening to Wednesday morning every two weeks. Of course, I'd drop 10 pounds easy, but when I ate, it would all come back on - clearly all water weight.
I decided to see a functional medicine doctor to see if he could help. He did a ton of bloodwork and it's definitely outta whack, but this guy wants to do ultraviolet blood irradiation, molecular H2, and all that stuff that I can't buy into. Kinda funny, but my testosterone and Free T3 are high - indications of a great metabolism in women. They can't quite figure it out. I have stopped the topiramate/phentermine combination, which I believe has helped me gain additional weight. Great.
Then a scare - had a badly needed hysterectomy. I'll spare the details, but there were tons of fibroids, adenofibromas, and a rare thecoma. Fortunately, everything came back benign.
I've gotta give this another shot. I was so successful before and had my head in the game. I want to live a long time, so I've got to get my shit together. I've thought about trying WW again, but I'm not sure.
Tomorrow, I'm gonna shoot for no added sugar, no bread, and concentrate on veggies and clean, wholesome food. Not gonna shy away from fats.
Here's hoping I do well...and that I come back and write some more.