Well...here I am....Late at night.
It's late Saturday night....rather early Sunday morning....and I'm exhausted. I haven't written anything down in a few days because my time has just gotten away from me. But I've missed writing down the crap in my head - I'm starting to think the writing may be helping me a little bit.
The scale isn't budging and this is supremely frustrating, but I can't throw in the towel. I constantly have to remind myself that it isn't ALL about the weight - it's about ALL of me. I don't think I treat myself very well - at least inside my head. And like many women, I often put myself last. I don't begrudge it at all, but I'm gonna try to start being nice to me.
So this is pretty stupid, but it's something to me. I have the driest...dryest....really dry skin, but I've just never done anything about it - always in a hurry. For the last week, I've been making sure that I put lotion on all over. It's making a difference and I'm really enjoying the way my skin feels.
Another thing I've been doing is making sure I put on a little bit of makeup each day. By makeup I mean, I'm wearing a nicely tinted moisturizer (which I'm loving), some eyebrows (because mine are nonexistent), and some lipstick. After getting ready this morning for our weekly Costco run, I went downstairs and I actually felt attractive. I told hubby that I felt "kinda pretty" today. He replied, "You are pretty." That man - he's such a dear.
Perhaps one day, I'll put on some mascara. I'm such an eye-rubber, I'd smear it all over my eyes and forget I was wearing it!
It seems that we are forever eating out. With just the two of us home and the hours we end up working, it's just easier than cooking at home - mostly because we're too tired to cook and then clean up the mess. We've gotta figure something out. I make good choices when we go out - okay - I did have a glass of red wine with hubby at dinner Friday evening, but it was salad, spinach, and pork for the meal.
We did our Costco run today. Hubby wanted to try the new brisket sandwich with cole slaw, so we ate there. While he found us a table, I stood in line and argued with myself the whole time. 'Go ahead and get the hot dog and just not eat the bun'. Is that not just so much bullshit? Or, 'The sausage sandwich is meatier and more satisfying, just don't eat the bun'. Again..I'm calling bs on myself. It's like this insane inner fight with a crazy person! In the end, I got the chicken caesar with no croutons, so I was pleased with that.
But for the screw up of the week: Dinner this evening. We have an elderly friend - bigT. He's 86 years old and only has a nephew living close. bigT had a stroke 2 years ago that has been quite debilitating to his speech, his health, and needless to say, his lifestyle. I get him one day on the weekend and he spends the day with us. Before his stroke, he went to the horse races every week in the summer time. As a treat, we went to the races tonight. Well - along with the races came an epic buffet.
I was not good.
On the plus side, the first thing on my plate (both trips) was steamed squash and zuchinni. There was also some prime rib and some turkey.
On the bad side, there was fried chicken, bread pudding, and dark chocolate brownies.
There's no doubt that in my heiferness, I overate. Fried chicken is my downfall and I had 2 wings and a half-breast. On the good side of the bad side I had a bite...honestly, a bite...of the bread pudding and only one brownie and they're not big brownie like you bake at home. I passed up everything else on the buffet.
While I was eating the second plate of food, I realize that I really was full. I took one more bite and thought, "Why the hell are you doing this to yourself. You're full. Stop eating!" And I did. Small victory. I've got to pay attention to what the brain part of me is saying, to what my body is saying. The emotional part of me will screw me over every time!
The scale will be up tomorrow and while I'm prepared for it right now and know objectively that the scale will be up, I won't be tomorrow after I weigh.
That bridge is tomorrow. For now, it's after 1:30 am and time for bed!