Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Seeing some movement

Well...here I am...seeing some movement on the scale.

Now to be fair, I weighed much later in the morning than I usually do because I slept late.  I woke up at 4:30 to use the bathroom and to see if we had to go to work today.  When I saw that work was closed, that alarm got turned off in a flash!

When I got up at 4:30, I weighed and the scale said something like 278.4, so even that is good; however, when I weighed when I got up for the day it was 277.8, so that's what I recorded.  Clearly, I'm happier with that number.  I have noticed though that there is about a pound difference in weight in the morning if I weigh about an hour or so after getting up to use the bathroom.  Interesting._

One thing I'm starting to understand is that in the past, I've rewarded myself with food and made excuses...(of course at the time, it was REASONABLE...but that's just my own delusional self!) to allow myself to wander from whatever the current effort at the time happened to be.  Of course, this "excuse" led to a total falling apart of my efforts.  How can I put this in words?

It's something like this:  I'm going to lose THIS weight THIS way THIS time, I am not going to wander off my effort.  Of course, things work quite well for a while.  But at some point, I rewarded myself because of my successful effort when I really hadn't done much more than lose a pound or two - perhaps all water weight.  It wasn't like I'd lost 60% or even 10% of what I needed to lose - more like 0.1%.  The reward led to a bigger reward and before ya know it, I've blown it.  Then of course, since I've blown it, I'm not successful, I'm a loser, and I need to be perfect to make this work.  Like a hamster on a wheel, this happens at least once, usually about 3 times a year.

Sounds pretty fucked up.  And I'm tired of being fucked up about my weight.

I just want to figure it out!  So yeah, I was happy about the scale this morning, but I was more mindful of not rewarding myself with food.  My reward is trying to be good to myself.  I plan to have my nails done on Friday night - regular manicures are going to be on my LMIP (Lucky Mama Improvement Plan).

Another thing that's starting to come into my mind is exercise.  I *hate* to exercise and I have damn near every type of exercise equipment known to man and just about as many videos/dvds.  I bought a fancy schmancy pedometer.  I think what I'm going to do is try for 5000 steps each day.  I've been averaging about 2700-3000 - I know - you should see the moss on my feet! - so I'm just going to try to increase it to 5000.  It's hard to believe that I was walking half-marathons just 3 years ago!  Truth to tell though is that my walking partner was a drill sergeant and never gave me any wiggle room.  He's moved away, so I'm on my own.

I would walk with hubby, but when he does something he doesn't build up to it.  He starts out at the top and just kills himself.  We are NOT compatible in that way.

So...no Olympics or anything...just walking 5000 steps a day.


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