Friday, March 7, 2014

Well sh*t! I am...

...thinking, "well shit!" 

So I go to bed early last night hoping I'll get a good night's sleep.  I slept better than previous nights, but I still don't feel fully rested.

I get on the scale...and the damn thing is up!!!  WTF????

This has happened many times in the past.  I get to THIS weight range and it just STOPS - it teeters back and forth between a 3 lb range...

My first thought was "shit!".  The SECOND thought was, "YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BEAT ME!"

So, exactly who is this "You" I'm talking about?  Well, I think it's gotta be me - that me that's insecure, impatient, easily swayed, less motivated, and willingly to give up at the first sign of struggle.  Well...let me tell me...YOU WILL NOT FUCKING WIN!  *I* will win this.  I might be frustrated, I might fall off the wagon, but I will WIN in the end - I am not giving up.  I'm better than this.  Hell, I live for tough situations! 

I had my usual smoothie for breakfast and then some grilled chicken and guacamole for lunch, so I was in good shape there.  We usually stop at a fast food place and get a coffee before we get to work.  I always order a large coffee with 2 creams and a splenda.  Well today, they screwed up and put sugar in my coffee.  I didn't drink it - it was way, way too sweet.  Okay, so deal with it.  Further in the day as I was sitting at my desk, I had a handful of nuts and then I went for a second handful of nuts.  That's not bad; the bad thing was that I finished eating the before I really even realized that I had eaten them.  NOT GOOD.  Needless to say, I put the nuts away.

The day was quite busy, I went back and forth between two buildings, and had a few "fires" to put out - one of my own creation!!  I hate it when something is my fault.  But I gotta say, when it is, I own it!  That is a good thing about me.

Toward the end of the day, I'm tired and ready to go home.  I call hubby and he's ready too.  He then says that he wants to go out to eat.  Well shit.  I was really wanted to eat at home to at least see if I could help the scale a little bit.  I always thought it was me that wanted to eat out all the time, but I'm starting to think that hubby's is responsible for at least half of our eating out activities.

I know hubster had an intense week this week and we're leaving work before 6, so we'll beat a bunch of the dinner rush, so I agree figuring that I'll do the best I can.

Hubby originally suggested Bennigan's, but their menu really wouldn't allow for anything that I'd like to eat, so I suggest that we go somewhere else.  We settle on Longhorn Steakhouse and head in that direction.

We were seated immediately, so I was thankful for that.  Of course, they've revised their menu, so I have to look at the entire thing.  Hubby suggested an appetizer, so I got the grilled stuffed mushrooms, since it appeared to be mostly cheese and mushrooms.

For my meal, I order the Outlaw Ribeye, a salad, and asparagus.  This is where it all goes wrong I think.  While I'm not counting calories - well, I am this week as a check - it's probably too much food.  I don't even think about the bread; even though hubby had bread - so that was a success.  The problem was when I ate the entire ribeye!!  I mean it's an 18 ounce piece of meat.  But I gotta say, I was full, but I wasn't stuff.  Oh - we didn't order a dessert.

When we got home, I used fatsecret to calculate the calories of that meal.  I come up with 1898 calories.  Add that to breakfast and lunch and I have an estimated 2842 calories for the day.


Now - do we know what the scale is going to do tomorrow?  The SOB is gonna be up and it's probably gonna be up on Sunday too.  Plus, tomorrow will be another evening dinner out since we'll have our elderly friend.

And it's my own fault.

The number on the scale this morning was the result of a biological process.  The number on the scale for the next few days will be, in addition to poor choices, the result of an emotional process and my inability to rein it in today.  And guess what???  It's done and it's over and there's nothing I can do to go back and change it, so I have no choice but to face the music and suck it up.  *You* got me today.

Was the day a failure?  Nope.  It certainly wasn't the day I'd planned for, but there were good things I did.  I didn't drink the sugared coffee, I didn't eat the bread at dinner, I blogged tonight even though I had a big "fuck it" going through my head, and while I don't like it, I'm kinda prepared for the next few days.

What can I say?  When I woke up this morning, I didn't plan to be awesome...and I wasn't.


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