Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Frustrated! I am...


I'm entering my fourth month of this journey and, like life itself, it has it's ups and downs.

The most recent "down" is discovering that planned splurges are probably not something that I'm going to be able to comfortably deal with - most definitely not on a regular basis.  My weight is still up 4 days after Saturday's splurge and now it just makes me mad.  Mad at myself.

At this point, I have no business having a splurge.  I still have almost 100 lbs to lose and it's not like I don't have my eating plan structured so that I can enjoy my meals and still lose weight.  I wasn't feeling deprived, stressed, or anything negative ahead of the meal.  It's not like I was panicked, out of control, and just went off the deep end.  I planned it.

I'm honestly trying to figure me out, figure this way of eating out...really, just trying to figure everything out.

If this is going to be for the rest of my life, should I expect that I can/will never have ice cream or eat too much at a meal?  I mean, this isn't a diet, it's a life plan.

That last sentence is really the thing that has been hanging me up the last few days.

But, I think I may have figured something out.

When I started this, I had just a few simple rules: 
  • Mindful of everything I eat
  • No added sugar
  • Breathe, stay calm, and don't beat myself up.
  • Don't give up before I even get started.
I haven't been adhering to the 3rd rule very well over the last few days.  I've been beating myself up plenty.  And I shouldn't, but DAMMIT!  *shakes fist at myself*
Now, what I think I've figured out is this:  While I'm losing the majority of my weight (maybe down to 200 lbs), I think I need to follow these rules as close to 100% of the time as I can.  As I get closer to my ideal weight, I think I will probably experiment (test?) to see how I deal with adding different foods back into my life, such as more fruit, starchier carbs, etc.  At that point, I think my adherence will need to be 80%-90% of the time and I'll be able to do things like have a day like I had Saturday.  But, I do feel that foods like sweets and desserts will necessarily need to be the rare experience.

This is how I've straightened it out in my head.  Does it make sense?  Or am I just crazy?

Being honest with myself and keeping my eyes open to my own bullshit is an ongoing part of the plan.


P.S.  Here's a hilarious link of the brilliant answers that kids gave on their exams.  It's HILARIOUS!


  1. Thanks for reminding me that "a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips," or in this case the better part of a week to recover. Easter is coming and I was thinking about straying; I think not!

    1. Yes - let my splurge be a lesson to you!!! It ain't worth it!

  2. It makes total sense! I have been defining what are my 'trigger' foods. The ones that once I start eating them, it's REALLY hard to stop. chocolate, for instance. Trigger foods to me are all but banished. No moderation with them. Other foods, like the occasional caramel something, I can eat a small bite of and walk away. So they might be okay a little more often. But yeah, you really need to get down more in weight before you can start messing around.

    I think the key is to find healthy real foods that you love. You won't feel quite so deprived when you have them. And try and remember that as you start to consistently lose weight, and start dropping clothes sizes, the joy in that will FAR outweigh the sense of deprivation.

    Most of all, once I could view sugars and grains as truly toxic to my body, they lost much of their appeal. Who wants to slowly poison themselves? Not me. I'd rather nourish myself. When I can have a good steak, sauteed onions and mushrooms, with a salad with my favorite ingredients and a nice salad dressing...who feels deprived? Fresh fruit in season is a sweet dessert, especially after you put some distance between yourself and white sugar. It really is doable...but we so convince ourselves that it ISN'T, that we never get a chance to prove to ourselves we CAN do it!

    1. I'm not quite sure what my trigger food/s are yet. I do know that I do much better without the sugar. I haven't had grains either, so it's hard to say if it's one, the other, or both.

      I don't think I'm gonna try to find out right now. ;-)

  3. Look closely at the last few days. Have you been 100% on track after your splurge weekend? Or will you find if you look closely that you have been continuing on with tiny splurges.

    A splurge day/meal is only good if it STOPS at that meal!

    1. I have been WITH IT! None of the little forays at all. My biggest issue that way would be nuts, but even that's been kosher.

  4. You're just crazy. HA HA - joking! I knew no one would answer that so way, so I wanted to stand out! :) Always the diva...

    The main thing is you are figuring it out. It truly is a personal journey and you are figuring out what works for you. At some point, the feeling of losing might be better than the taste of the "splurge meal". Other times, those extra "4" pounds you can't shake might feel worth it. The important thing is you are carefully examining it all in your head...enough to make anyone crazy. :)

    1. SHHHHH!!!! I think you guess it!! I am indeed crazy! ;-)

      This figuring it out is difficult if I'm really gonna get to the root of it all.

  5. I wouldn't agonize over every pound at this point. Changing habits and identifying triggers is tough work and takes time. If you're being consistent overall by being active and eating healthily, you'll lose the weight. You can do it :)

    1. Thank you!!! I don't know that I agonize over the weight per se, but rather over the behavior and rationale that leads me astray and halts my progress.

  6. It is a personal thing ... my first 40 pounds I stuck very closely to the plan. I realize in order FOR ME to lose the last 30, I also need to stick closely to the plan. Otherwise I'll just keep bouncing around. I wish I could do moderation, but it just doesn't work for me long-term; I am one of the ones who does so much better and finds it so easy when I totally avoid the sugars and grains

    1. Siobhan - I may be in the same place as you regarding the final loss. But I've got a long while before I get there.

      Seems like sugar and grains are problematic for so many of us. I don't remember folks having these issues when I was a kid.


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