Saturday, June 28, 2014

We're here! I am...

In Vienna with hubster.

As usual,  it was a comedy of errors.  The biggest being that I left my walking shoes at home.

The total flight time was 9 hours; the first plane was packed to the brim;  the second plane was a bit better.   I was able to get about 3 hours of nap time.  Other than that, we've been up going on 32 hours, but it's fun so far.

Food is going to be a problem.   

On the plane, the airline served a choice of either pasta or chicken curry.   I chose the curry... about 2 ounces of chicken with baked on sauce with rice and some sort of bread dressing.   The sides were a half cup of salad,  a roll,  and lemon cake.   Ate the chicken and a little of the rice.The plane's breakfast was quite European - a croissant.   Hubster leaned over and said that we would get something as soon as we landed.   I didn't know what Heathrow would have at 6 am, but I was hopeful.  Turns out I had one of the best salads and berries in my life.  I don't know if it's because I was hungry since I hadn't really eaten for 11 waking hours or if it was a really good salad.  It had all the good fixin's...meaning ones that I can eat without having an issue...and was quite filling.

On the plane ride into Vienna, a similar thing happened - a very high carb meal.  I just gave it to hubster.  I think I'm gonna have to start watching him because he's eating his meal AND the food I don't eat - not a good thing.

After we arrived in Vienna, we checked into the hotel, got a metro pass for the week and started going around town.  We were both exhausted, but we'd rather be awake and doing stuff during the day, so we just stayed up and toured a bit.  Tomorrow is the start of the real sightseeing and the diving into Vienna.

I did get to see a Gustav Klimt exhibition today - I do love his work - there's just something about it that just fascinates me - almost like Richard Dadd, who isn't so well known.  Anyway, I'm spouting names like I know something and I don't - I just love Klimt's work!  That is all.

Here's some random pics of the day.

If I weren't so tired, I would remember where all these places were.  The first large castle is part of a big museum and not too far from Parliament.  I'll be going back to check out the museum.  The second picture is the top of a very tall statue.  It was really interesting because it's clear the status has been there a long time and businesses grew up around it.  Anyway, there was a young woman sitting at the base of the statue singing opera, the sun hit the gold at just the right angle (which I didn't catch), and it just struck me as pretty awesome, hence the pic.  The third pic is of a cathedral.  Ever since Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett, I've had a thing for flying buttresses even though this particularly cathedral doesn't appear to have any that I can see.  The little green, one-storied house is the original church (I think).  Oh - that fellow in the pink shirt front and center is hubster.

It was getting late so we headed back to the hotel to decide on dinner.  Turns out that where we wanted to eat was near the cathedral and the Klimt exhibition.  We were too tired to go back, so we just ate in the hotel restaurant.  Man - don't eat in the hotel restaurants.  Let's just say they are QUITE proud of their food.  Plus the dollar don't mean much around here, so the dinner was quite expensive I thought.

But it was good and I had my first schnitzel ever.  It's basically veal that has been pounded very thinly and then fried in several different oils.

Before we got here, hubster said it was a real meat and potatoes area.  That's true.  But it's also a real bread and gelato and yummy-bad-for-me-food area too.  While we were walking around today, I looked at all the foods - hubster was very good at being the even keel - because I was tired and ready to just try a little of this, a little of that.  Sound familar?  Recipe for disaster.

So, we talked about it a little.  I'm going to try the local cuisine - the schnitzel and the pig knuckles.  I'm also going to try an original sachertorte and one other that a friend said that I just had to try- it's something with fresh fruit.  I'm trying to plan.  The whole being on vacation thing and letting your guard down can't happen. I gotta keep my shit together!

Two final things.  One - our room does indeed have a scale.  It said 257 this morning - I'm totally good with that - my ankles were holding 5 lbs of water even with compression hose.  Two - perhaps I'm missing it, but there don't seem to be a lot of places to get something to drink.  There are water fountains, but it seems the opportunity to drink to my fill is missing.  Oh yeah - we got a 3/4 little of REGULAR water at dinner - it was 10 bucks!

I hope I can post in the next day or two.



Wednesday, June 25, 2014

A Rant I am...

...having a little - maybe a big - rant.

So, at the beginning of May, I made my airline reservation for our trip to Vienna.  My husband is going on business, so his trip is paid for.  I will also be working for two of those days trying to develop some collaborations, but it's on my dime and not official travel.  However, we do have a 'vacation department' that will handle our personal travel.

Today - hubster and I went to the bank to get some money and started discussing the tickets.  His admin is uber-organized and wanted my ticket information as well.  When I looked in my email, I saw that I was still pending for tickets.

For some reason, I decided to check the credit card and saw that the ticket hadn't been charged.


I began to have a little panic, but thought perhaps they ticketed the travel later - like they do our official travel.  I called a fellow who is known to be really helpful and extremely competent about travel.  He told me that someone else had booked it, I really needed to go through that person to see what had happened.  So I called the woman who had booked the travel.  She promptly told me that I had never called her back with my information to confirm travel.


I told this woman in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that I sure as hell DID call her back and give her the credit card information and that if she said otherwise, she would be lying.  She said she would "check".  Well - I wasn't having that at all and told her that I expected to have a ticket on Friday and that I didn't expect to pay more than what I had originally been told for the price.  Seriously, I was on the edge of having the Queen Bitch Supreme come out.

After getting off the phone with her, the travel fellow I talked with originally called me back and said he felt terrible and tried to help.  So he set me up with a pending ticket, but it's at a different time than hubster's flight.

Luckily, I had made notes in my notebook about the trip and had the dates I called her.  I checked my email and, sure enough, I had sent her an email telling her that I had my payment information with me and to return my call.  I forwarded it to her.  Then, I checked the current prices for the flight we're on - the price had increased by $1700 dollars - yes, that's one THOUSAND seven HUNDRED dollars MORE!

Talked with hubster about what to do.  I mean - it's our 30th and I'm really looking forward to it, but with that kind of money for a single ticket, we could plan an entire trip to Vienna next spring for both of us!

The travel agent sent me an email asking for my cell number in case I left work before she got an answer.  I replied with the number but told her that I would be staying at the lab until the issue was resolved.

She finally called me at 6:25 and told me that it was all taken care of.  They had to eat the $1700 - good thing too - I would have been over the top livid.  And funny thing, I didn't have to get her my credit card information because she already had it!!!

So now, I've got a confirmed, paid ticket.  If it hadn't been for hubster's secretary, I might have been in a world of hurt and in for a big surprise on Friday because I thought the ticket info I had was for the paid ticket - it's just a small difference in the look of the two emails you get for a pending versus a paid ticket.  In the future, I don't think I'll go through them.

Anyway - for all my pissed-offed-ness, I maintained my food coolness.  But - by the time we finally left work, it was after 7 and there was no way either of us was going to cook, so we had wings and a salad.

Oh - good story.  At lunch today, I had salmon and a salad.  Hubster had a sandwich and french fries.  When he was finished eating, there were a few fries left on his plate.  I stole one of the little crunchy nubby ends and ate it.  Then I reached for another one.  Hubster didn't say a word, BUT...he moved the plate and then proceeded to pour his drink on the remaining fries, laughing as he did so.  In turn, I started laughing and then thanked him for doing that.  It was the exactly perfect thing to do!

BTW, I'm really starting to like my salads with blue cheese crumbles instead of blue cheese dressing - it's the same, yet different.

We bought a new camera at Costco last night, have the housesitter ready to housesit - MUCH cheaper than boarding our menagerie of animals (5 total), got the laundry almost done, and we're getting excited.  Hubster told me that he was excited to show me all the things he's had to see by himself - it was sweet; kinda reminded me of a little boy the way he said it.

I hope I can post tomorrow night.  I might try to do a mobile post, but I don't know what sort of charges there would be for that - or even if there are charges.

Like Ellen says....Anyway....


Monday, June 23, 2014

Howdy!!! I am...

...saying Howdy!!...

Wow - it seems like it's been forever and three days since I've posted!

My son has gone back to Texas and the house is quiet.  The next big thing is the trip to Vienna - we leave on Friday!

So - it's been a struggle for me lately and I'm trying to figure out why.  While I haven't been on point all the time, I didn't fall off the wagon - certainly not enough to justify such a weight gain.  Again, I'm doing my own little debrief.

Why did I gain any weight?  Well, like I said I wasn't totally on point - my carb intake was higher enough to cause some water weight - four water molecules for each glycogen molecule adds up fast!  Secondly, I checked the blood pressure medication I was taking - it had a diuretic in it, so stopping it can add water weight.  I can see it in my ankles - while they aren't swollen, they do seem to be a little "fuller" than when I was taking the bp meds.  Plus, I swear I've been PMSing for the last 10 days!

The biggest - and most dangerous - thing though was the mind slippage.  For the last month, I've either been travelling or have had the kids at home.  Since I started this whole process, I've really only had to consider me - hubster is easy and doesn't tempt me with stuff that would be difficult for me to deal with.

Now - let me preface this with two things.  This is MY fault - my responsibility - and I'm trying to figure it all out.

With all the comings and goings, my attention to detail - my weight loss detail slipped.  Imperceptibly at first.  I think I started to mimic my son's way of eating.  However, he's a 6'6", 220 pound, weight-lifting 21 year old young man and I'm a 5'10", 255 pound, 52 year old old woman who hates to exercise!

Yannow how you want to lose weight, so you figure you'll combine the best of all plans into one and lose 50 lbs in 7 days?  Combine low-carb with Weight Watchers with intermittent fasting - so you end up eating an egg every third day?

Yeah - I didn't do that.

My son doesn't need to lose any weight but wants to lose 10 pounds.  He follows a keto-type, low-carb eating plan with one carb-load or "blow-it" day a week.  Being home, I think he strayed from what he normally does because he's home and we want to spoil him a little bit, so there's a lot of food involved.

At first, things were fine.  Then a little stray here, a little stray there.  Then rather quickly, the little strays came more often.  And honestly - I didn't pick up on it.  And then the amount of food was more than I needed as well.  So too much off-plan eating contributed to this weight gain as well.

Today was the first day totally on point in a while.  All food was within limits - both type-wise, calorie-wise, and amount-wise.  We worked late and I suggested we go out to eat.  Hubster agreed, but then I caught myself and said that I'd prefer to eat at home.  Yeah me.

Of course, we leave on Friday for Vienna.  A lot of folks in my group have spent a lot of time in Vienna, so I've been talking with some of them - seems there's a lot of protein choices, so I'm happy with that.  But someone did tell me that we're going right at the time of the doughnut festival.  I will avoid this festival at all costs and hang out at the museums and such!

Anyway - that's not until this weekend.

Tomorrow is a new day and this seemingly never-ending struggle will continue.  But dammit - I ain't quittin'!!!

Finally, I saw a video on Facebook the other day and I'm just enamored!   This fellow's moves are awesome and I always like music by Parov Stelar - about the only kinda-techno-type music I like.  Anyway - enjoy!  Here's the link:


Thursday, June 19, 2014

A few days off I am...

...taking a few days off.

The last few days have been extremely busy at work - big review panel.  The days started early and ended late.

But, it's over and now I get to hang out with my son until he goes back to school.

With the hustle of the week, my food tracking was quite spotty - practically non-existent.  However, I stuck with my basic plan and my weight is slowly recovering.  I'm glad to see that I've been able to eat without tracking and keep my shit together.  I'm hoping this will keep me in good stead when we're in Vienna.

During the review panel, the first day was running really late - to the point that we didn't get to get lunch.  The plan was that the panel would have their lunch delivered and meet with some folks; those being reviewed would be able to leave for an hour and get lunch.  I had planned to eat in the cafeteria where I could get a salad and some protein.  That didn't happen at all and we were stuck in the room all day!  There were a lot of snacks - hardly any of which I could have.  However, there were some Kirkland peanuts - so that's what I had for lunch.  Two ounces of peanuts over a 10 hour period. 

I hated being in that situation - I was hungry and needed to eat, and had little to no choices.  I felt I did good in that situation.  By the time we left for the day, I had a terrible headache from lack of food. On the second day of the panel, I had a container of strawberries and cheese with me!

On another topic, a month or so back, I went to the doctor.  When she took my blood pressure, she noted that it was 117/70 on repeated checks.  She said that I could stop taking the bp meds when I finished the current prescription.

The prescription ran out this weekend.  Since the weekend, I feel that I've been retaining water in my hands and feet - my hands have that full feeling all the time and at the end of the day my ankles are a bit swollen.  They were like that before I started the bp meds, were NOT like that when I took the meds, and have started doing it again since stopping the meds.  Maybe this is normal, I don't know.  But, can I say that I'm actually 3-4 lighter than what the scale says because of the water weight?  Ha!  I wish!

The food chatter seems to have subsided and I'm thankful for that.  I've realized that the food chatter and the sense of unease and inner turmoil it brings to me is part of my issue.  Somehow I don't think I'm alone in that.  Taming it and keeping it under control is the lesson to be learned.  I just wish I could recognize the trigger instead of finding myself in the midst of it.  Something else to learn.

We don't have any plans for the next few days - just hanging out - I'm looking forward to it.


Monday, June 16, 2014

Busy day I am...'s been a busy day and I've still got work to do!

Tomorrow is a BIG day at work.  I've got a presentation to make to some hotshots - so what did I do??  I left the presentation at work - I can't even review it tonight!  But there's plenty of other things to do to prepare for tomorrow.

The scale was basically the same this morning - and I shouldn't expect anything different.  Saturday was bad and it's gonna take a few days to recover.  End of that particular story.

I tried my son's protein powder this morning.  He's been dogging mine to no end, so I gave his a try.  The kicker is that I really liked it better than mine, so NOW I've got to tell my son.  I'll never hear the end of it.   Pfftt...maybe I'll just wait until he's gone back to Texas!

Food was good.  Pork at lunch and dinner since hubster and son smoked some ribs yesterday.  Along with asparagus, it was a satisfying food day.

Even though it's been a really busy day, I've spent some time thinking about what's going on with me.  I wrote about most all of it yesterday, so I don't need to rehash it again. 

I will say that I believe that with the amount of weight I have to lose I need to stay on point all the time - or at least try.  In the beginning, I thought I could have some leeway, but that point is not now.  I'm not perfect and I do tend to be hard on myself, but I feel that if I'm otherwise, I won't be able to do what I need to do.


I've been thinking about some goals - short term and intermediate goals - and there are a few I have in mind.

1- I want to be less than 250.  That's a nice short term goal and one of those natural goal numbers.
2- I want to weigh less than hubster.  He's currently 245.

That's what I've got in my head.

I've got some worries as well.  Our 30th anniversary is coming up in July.  We leave for Vienna, Austria for a combined work/vacation on 6/27.  We're gonna be there 10 days!  On the tails of that is our vow renewal in Texas in mid-July.

I'm very concerned about how I'm going to manage the next 5 weeks.  I had hoped that I'd be ahead of the game and that June would be my die-hard month of weight loss.  We see how that's turned out.  *sigh*  Instead, I'm heavier right now than when I started the month.  It worries me and I don't know what to do about. 

I suppose I shouldn't worry about it at all since there's not a damn thing I can do since it's do.  I guess I should just worry about right now...RIGHT NOW...that's the only thing I really have control over.

And sometimes I don't have control over that either. foot in front of the other.


Sunday, June 15, 2014

The blowout I am...

...thinking about the blowout my dumbass self had last night.  Even with my awareness of the challenge, I blew it.

It's not a blowout relative to how I used to eat when we went to the races, but it sure as hell was a lot more than I usually have and surely not conducive to getting my barn-sized ass down to shed size.  It kinda snuck up on me too.  In the end, I ate WAY too much.  I wasn't on top of my game - I wasn't in control.  Period.

I feel a bit ashamed and embarassed.   Am I not on a plan to lose weight?  When I woke up this morning, I thought for a moment that I just wouldn't weigh today, that I'd ignore the whole thing and wait a few days.  That's the old train of thought - the run and hide, the head in the sand, the out of sight out of mind mindset that got me to where I am in the first place.  It so tempting to do that because it's so easy - it takes off all the pressure.

But that's no good and so not helpful.  In the end, I fucked up, I gotta take responsibility.  I'm not quitting, but damn - how many times do I have to learn this lesson?  What was it, what was the "thing" that made me put me progress in danger?  Why is it sometimes more powerful than my will to get this weight off?  It makes me cry.

It's not so much that I overate for a meal, it's the fact that I couldn't rein it in, it's that nagging little fear in my head that maybe I really can't do this.  It's just overwhelming.

Is it the stress of the last few weeks?  The change in the routine?  I track my weight, macronutrients, whether I ate out, and a host of other things on a daily basis.  I've basically not lost any weight since 5/23.  Since then, the kids have been home separately and I've had that week's worth of travel.  There's been a lot of restaurant meals during that time and I stopped tracking while I was on travel - I felt that I was doing well.  But perhaps not as well as I thought - perhaps it's not a plateau after all, perhaps I've unconsciously slipped back into some old ways.

I looked at my caloric intake - I've been eating a little more than 2000 calories a day on most days since I got back from travel.  Perhaps it was the same while I was on travel.  This is a lot more than I normal have, which is usually between 1500-1700 calories.  While I'm not formally exercising, I've been quite sedentary at work lately - stuck at my desk.  Even though I track these things every single day, I didn't "see" it.

It seems that I've started to let my external environment control me instead of me controlling my external environment - I've let my awareness slip.  I've read of others letting their guard down - I let mine down too.

I'm so not perfect.  All I can do is pick myself up, dust off my pants, and keep going.  Desiree at SkinnyGeekWithin had a couple of good quote cards that struck me when I read her blog today.  The first was:

"You're right.  It's easier to say, "Screw it, I give up," than to say, "Screw this, I can do it!"  I never said it would be easy.  I said it would be worth it."

The other one, which I loved because I'm such a potty mouth was:


I have to keep the same sense of urgency, requirement, and need I had at 290.  I'm still a 250+ pound woman.  Thirty five pounds is a nice loss, but it's nowhere near what I need to lose.  I've got no laurels to rest on here.  I've got to keep my ass in gear - no matter how fucking long it takes.  Shelley commented once and said, "This IS for the long, forever."  The way she wrote that stuck with me.  I guess this is part of the long haul, but damn I wish I could at least get this lesson learned!


Saturday, June 14, 2014

A little frustrated I am...

...a little frustrated.

The stupid scale was up 1.6 pounds this morning...and it just pisses me off.

After weighing, I complained to hubster.  He said I was getting ready to start and commented on the migraine and back ache this week.  I'm sure he's right because I'm starting to feel like crap.

I'm starting to feel stuck at this weight range!

Plus, we're going to the races tonight and I would just prefer not to go - it's a lot of driving - almost 200 miles in total, we'll get home really late, I'm not feeling particularly strong today, and I just don't feel like going.  BUT - my old friend is really looking forward to it since they no longer have Sunday racing.

I'm not sure why I don't feel particularly in control about this evening - it's like I can't wrap my head around it.  But, I've decided to start with the salad bar, then go straight for the sliced meats - it's usually ham and prime rib I think.  They have a huge dessert selection, but I'm not so worried about that stuff.  It mostly looks better than it tastes.

I'm thinking about getting a plain crepe and then slicing up a few chocolate covered strawberries in it.  It's my own little creation - it's big on taste and small on sugar and it hits the dessert spot.

In an effort to stay in control and stay on top of it, I'm thinking about taking a picture of everything I eat in the hopes that it keeps me accountable.

I know if I don't want the scale up tomorrow, I gotta keep my ass in gear tonight.  I've got no leeway.


Thursday, June 12, 2014

Migraine I am...

...slowly getting rid of a migraine.

Yesterday was tough!  Work was a bear and I got a migraine.  Lately when I've gotten them, they've been preceded by my smelling phantom smoke.  It drives me nuts and continues throughout the course of the migraine.  Weird.  Anyway, the MAC screen was killing me and I just couldn't look at it anymore.  Finally, I called hubster and told him we had to go home.  The drive home made me sick and I wasn't sure I was even gonna make it home.

When we got home, I took off all my clothes, closed the curtains (not in that order) and crawled into bed.

I still had it this morning, but had to go to work.  I put on a pain patch and that seemed to help a lot - thank goodness.

But - I've still got it, but it's manageable and nothing like last night.

The head of our organization left for another position today.  He started in our part of the organization, so we had a going away party for him.  Hotdogs, hamburgers....picnic food.  I had an all meat lunch of a blackened hotdog, a hamburger patty, and some devilled eggs.

I had taken my lunch just in case I was unable to eat, but was glad I didn't need it.

The scale was at 253 this morning - a new a hair.  I'm happy for it, but the weight does seem to going down more slowly than usual.  I reckon I have to accept it, cuz that's the way it is.

Since my son is home, my old friend wants all of us to go to the races on Saturday night.  It's always a food challenge because it's a buffet.  I've got a few days to ponder, consider, and imagining myself being in control while we're there.  I'd like to get back on the trend of going down - I've had this little plateau long enough.


Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Another long day I am... ... the end of another long day.

Work is going to be a bear for the next few weeks.  Couple that with wanting to be home and spending time with my son, I feel stressed - like a hamster on a wheel.

Food was good today.  Smoothie for breakfast, canned tuna for lunch, and some unsalted nuts for a snack.

Again, we're on our way home from work and hubster suggests that we get ribs since our son has been home all day.  So off to the rib joint we go.

We talked all through dinner and the three of us had a good time.  Toward the end of the meal, I commented that I thought the ribs were really good and started to reach for another rib.  I realized at the same time that I was past the point of fullness - not to the point of being uncomfortable, but it was time to stop eating.

It was a bit weird because I had to have a little talk with myself and tell my dumbass to quit eating.  I rationalized that I would have 'just one more' and then stop.  I surely didn't need one more, but I wanted to eat more because they were so good.

This is not a reason to continue eating.

I finally won the argument with myself by realizing that I had ribs to take home and that I can have them for lunch - or even breakfast - if I want.  The very rational part of me hopes that my son eats all the ribs while I'm at work tomorrow!

I'll chalk it up to a win.  Clearly, there have been plenty of times in the past when I lost the argument with myself - that's why my ass is the size of a small barn.

But I'm working on by day...inner argument by inner argument. 


Monday, June 9, 2014

Yucky Monday I am...'s been a yucky Monday.

This day did not turn out the way I expected.  I went to work this morning with a pretty good attitude.  Then I found out about all the crap that happened while I was gone.  Frustrating all the way around!  I just *LOVE* it when there's too few people, too much work, too little time, and not enough money.

By the end of the day, I was just frustrated.  I even shed a few tears on the way home. ARRGGGHHH!

Right as we got home, it started raining.  Hubby was going to do a beer-butt chicken on the grill, but the rain put the kabosh on that idea.  His alternative was the wing joint down the road.  Since our son had been home alone all day, he was all for it.  I just didn't care.

As we walked into the restaurant, I thought, "Screw it."  Just toss in the towel - I'm done with ALL of it.

Luckily the little voice in my head - the good one - stopped me.  By the time we were seated, I was back in control - still in a shitty mood - but back in control.  I'm glad I got it back before I tossed in the towel.

It was good to be back to my old breakfast staple this morning - my chocolate strawberry smoothie.  Lunch was turkey, watercress (I love the stuff), mushrooms, and squash in the cafeteria.  Dinner, as I said, was lemon pepper wings (no breading) with a salad.

One big thing of note - I realized this morning that I missed my thyroid medication TWO times last week.  As a result, I'm feeling tired.  It's gonna take 3-5 more days to be back to normal.  I hate it when I miss my meds - it screws me up every time!  It took me YEARS to get in the groove of taking them every day.

Anyway - that's it for the day.


Sunday, June 8, 2014

Catching up I am...

...Catching up.

It seems things have been non-stop for the last 10 days or so.  But then again, it seems that it's always like that.  I've spent this afternoon doing laundry and catching up on blogs.  I didn't realize how much encouragement and motivation I got from reading other bloggers!

The class ended on Friday and while I really enjoyed the class, I was glad it was over.  I wrote a thank you note and gave a tip to the woman who had taken such good care of me food-wise throughout the course of the week.  I really did appreciate her efforts.

After the class, I hurried home because my son had gotten home on Thursday night.  Like any mother, I've missed him terribly and was really excited to see him.  So - I walk in the door and what does my 21 year old son say?  I can't remember!  I was so excited to give him a big hug that I totally forgot.  Suffice it to say, he noticed and made kind comments.

Weight-wise, it appears to me that my weight has stalled.  This could be due to many reasons:
  • Plateau
  • Didn't track food after Tuesday.
  • Water retention
  • Shit happens
If I look at my graph, it seems my weight has been on a more horizontal track for the last week or so.  Hmmm...Let's see.  What could that be?  Well - I was in a hotel for the last week with limited ability to choose my own food, though I took good care to request what I needed.  

Maybe I'm in a plateau.  It happens periodically when folks are losing weight.  Somehow though I don't think that's the case with me.  Even with this flattening on the graph, I saw a new low last week.

After Tuesday, I didn't track my food at all even though I did stay within my eating parameters - no sugar, no white stuff, veggies above the ground.  Today is the first day I'm back to logging food more closely.  Perhaps I ate more than I thought or lost my awareness of what I was eating.

The other thing is water retention, which is definitely a possibility.  My ankles and hands felt a bit swollen Friday and Saturday morning.  A week of sitting wasn't the best and the car ride didn't help either.  I notice that as I get older, I have to make more stops when travelling.  I didn't do that Friday.

Finally - shit happens.  Maybe nothing is amiss, but the scale is just not moving at the moment.  Perhaps I'm putting too much thought into all this.

Another thought that comes to mind, though it only applies from Friday to now  My son eats similarly to me.  When I got home Friday, he had made some no-sugar pancake thingies for me to try.  I have no idea what he put in them - we've got coconut flour, flaxseed, etc., in the house.  I'd been meaning to use them, but hadn't got around to it yet.  He made some yesterday (too much salt) and some more today that were pretty tasty.  I've been careful to only have a small amount.  That's fine, the problem is that I hadn't really thought about it until just now.

In any event, I felt that I handled last week well and I'm back in my routine.  It's like a sigh of relief to be back among familiar things and my stuff.  Just a side note,  Maggie the Cat was so mad at me when I got home.  She wouldn't come near me for about an hour after I got home on Friday.  Since then, she won't leave my side.  She's such a funny cat.

I'm glad things are kinda back to normal.  With my son home, the house isn't as quiet as it usually is - this is a good thing.  It would be "more good" if my daughter was with us as well.


Thursday, June 5, 2014

The Banquet...and the tiramisu I am...

...reflecting on last night's banquet.

After a trip through the Battle of Gettysburg yesterday, our class had a banquet.

Now, the hotel knew about my food needs during the class, but I had forgotten to say anything about the banquet ahead of time, so I just filled out the banquet card and figured I'd make the best of it.

So, when they started serving the meals last night, the chef had indeed prepared a similar, but distinctly different meal for me.  There was a salad and parmesan chicken with fontina cream over mashed potatoes with a little bit of diced tomato on top.  The dessert was an individual coconut cream pie with a dollop of whipped cream and a strawberry.

The chef did a great job for me.  He basically deconstructed the meal and gave me baked chicken with the fontina cream and the tomatoes on the side.  As well, I had a salad with a small serving of squash.  My dessert was a beautiful wine glass of blueberries and strawberries.  I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate the accommodations I received from the class organizers and the hotel - it really was above and beyond.

This morning was the crap ton of sweet, sugary stuff along with a bunch of bacon and eggs.  The usual person wasn't there, but her replacement was just as nice.  Even nicer was that the usual young lady came by to check and see if everything was good.

Everything was fine...until lunch.  Now??  I think they're out to get me!

So they tried to get me the other day by serving those damn brownies, but I overcame!  So what the hell did they serve today???

TIRAMISU!!!  Evil bastards - the lot of them!

It was one of the most inviting desserts I think I'd ever seen.  It was an entire recipe and they had dressed it so that it was on top of a dish instead of within a pan.

It was tough to avoid.  I hovered around it or at least felt like I did and really had to actively talk to myself in ma haid to not eat it.  And yannow what?  I didn't eat it!  I told one of my classmates to eat my piece.  There was something about doing that that just kinda switched it all up in my head.

A bunch of other classmates and I went out for dinner.  I had crab cakes with a side of roasted kale - it was awesome!  It was thin and crunchy and had a great taste.  I'm gonna try it at home.

I talked with the running classmate.  Pretty incredible - she's completed two marathons and is going for a third.  I'm mind-bogglingly impressed.  We talked for a few minutes about her experience when she started running.  She suggested that I try a 'Couch to 5K' program, so I might check it out.  But more than that, she said that I needed to find something I like.

It was encouraging to see how she has physical activity - strong physical activity - incorporated into her life by her own rules without any anxiety about it.  It seems like it's part of her life instead of an extension of her life.  I hope I'll be able to do that one day as well.

Tomorrow is the last day of the class and so long as I may it through tomorrow, this week will have been a big success for me.  I haven't had a meal at home since Sunday morning and I feel that I've managed quite well and made good choices each time I've been to a restaurant.  I think I might be proud of myself.

My son comes home this evening, so I'm ready for the class to be over so I can hurry home and see him!  Hubster went on travel the day before I left, so I'm looking forward to seeing him as well.


Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Battles I am...

...thinking about all the battles that have been discussed today.

Day 3 of the class and we spent the afternoon at the Gettysburg battlefield and reviewing the battles and the men behind them.  It was very sobering.

But - I don't really wanna talk about war battles.

For breakfast this morning, there was sausage and eggs along with a crapload of sweet breads - and I'm not talking about animal innards!  Ewwwww anyway.

Since we were going to be doing a lot of walking today, we had a boxed lunch on our way to the battlefields.  All I saw was a whole bunch of boxes, but nothing that was "different", which meant there was nothing for me.  I opened a few of the boxes - sandwiches, chips, cookies, and an orange.  Okay.  No.

The hotel food person walked in right at that time and asked if the boxed lunch was okay.  I told her no, but that it was okay since I'd had a big breakfast.  And I did indeed have a big breakfast because I thought this might happen.  She immediately said, "Oh no - I'll get you something" and away she went!

She came back with a salad - lettuce, cucumbers, and eggs.  Not my first choice, but it met all my needs and she did it really fast because the bus was waiting.  I was grateful that she was so gracious and accommodating.

I sat at the back of the bus - glad it wasn't a short bus.  The woman in front of me commented on my food in a positive way and I got the feeling she'd lost weight.  I asked her if she had and she confirmed that she had.  I was immediately excited, but realized fairly quickly that she wasn't particularly open to talking about it - at least not on the bus.  We talked for a few minutes more and agreed that we'd talk this evening.

I'm pretty excited to talk with her.  In the class, she's very empathetic and vivacious.  Every evening, I've seen her in workout clothes on her way to exercise.  Plus, the ball cap today said "Marine Corps Marathon finisher."

I am indeed intrigued, stoked, AND excited to talk to her.  I hope she feels like she can share.

Anyway - the banquet is tonight.  The only thing I have to turn down is dessert - I think.  If the dinner isn't acceptable - I ordered chicken - I'll go to the pub next door afterwards and get a salad.


Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Brownies and accountability I am...

 ...thinking about brownies and accountability!

So, day 2 of this class I'm taking.  It was another good food day.  Funny thing though - I guess many of the folks in the class complained - there are only 20 of us - about the lack of protein for breakfast.  this morning, there was a buffet of bacon and eggs.  Can I just say it was awesome???

Lunch was similar with grilled chicken with diced ham on it and one of the best beef tenderloins I think I've ever had.  It was really nice to be able to go through the line without having to make good girl/bad girl decisions.  Yannow?

And then the afternoon snacks came.

They brought in chocolate chip cookies...and BROWNIES!

OMG - They looked so good and I really wanted one.  But of course, I'd made an issue of my nutritional needs - specifically stating added sugar was off-limits, so I couldn't possibly have a brownie particularly with the facilitator and the chef nearby.  So depending on how you look at it, I either helped myself or screwed myself.  This afternoon when I realized I couldn't have a brownie, I felt like I'd screwed myself.  Now, after the fact, I'm glad I didn't have the brownie, so clearly I helped myself.

The scale this morning was 253.2 - a new low.  I was pretty happy with that.  I was, and still am, concerned about the week.

We've received all sorts of results from personality tests and 360 assessments.  We received our 360 assessments yesterday.  I was relieved, but clearly see now that I'm harder on myself than anyone else is.  There's a DiSC personality assessment as well.  DiSC stands for Dominant, Inducement, Submission, and Compliance.  According to the assessment, I'm a strong dominant personality, which means that I see myself as more powerful than the environment and that I see the environment as potentially unfavorable.  Does that sound like me or what?  And then I got in a disagreement with another dominant personality.  Everyone was laughing at us because neither of us would budge.  While he thought he was right, I *know* I was right.  lol   It was all in good fun.

Tomorrow, 4 of my classmates and I have to create and perform a skit of today's events.  We decided to go to a local restaurant - as if we have a choice - to discuss what we're gonna do.  He suggested that I pick the restaurant since I have food restrictions.  I have no idea how he knew, but he did.  Anyway, being the dominant personality that I am, I told him to pick the restaurant and that I'd be fine.  I'm sure he made someone else in the group pick the restaurant.

After dinner, we're all watching the movie Gettysburg with commentary by a local historian.  It oughta be interesting.  Tomorrow is a field trip out to the battlefield.  I know I'm gonna cry.  I always do.

That's about it.  I wanted to jot my thoughts down before I left for the evening.

So far, two days down - three to go!


Monday, June 2, 2014

Travelling girl I am...

...a travelling girl.

Wow - it has been non-stop BUSY for the last few days. 

So - went shopping on Saturday with a girlfriend of mine.  It was the first time we've clothes-shopped together, so I was wondering how it would turn out.  Turns out she's an EXCELLENT shopping partner.  She caught on to what I like, was pretty open about the weird shit I picked out, gave me an honest critique, and told me I was batshit crazy when needed!  We really did have a good time - it should have been - we shopped for 7 hours!  Holy moly!

The big event of the day was that everything I bought was from a department store.  PLUS, there wasn't a struggle finding something that fit.  Rather, I was able to choose most things I liked.  Funny thing though, I bought sizes from a 16 to a 3x!  Go figger!  I got three linen shirts, two pairs of linen capris - and one pair was white (do you hear that Mama???  white pants)  It's the first time in my life I've ever owned white pants.  I think I ended up with something like 15 pieces of clothing - all at least 60% off!  Oh - I also bought a shirt that didn't fit, but I really liked it and it will fit!

It was a win, win, win day!   I had fun with my friend, got clothes that I liked, and got them on the cheap!

Yesterday, I had to clean the house, get ready, pack, and drive up to Gettysburg for this class I'm taking.  And then, I realized I had a whole damn book to read by this morning.  I'm so glad it was a fast, easy read.

By the way - I brought my scale with me!

I think I said before that I had asked for food accommodations for the class.  I've got to say, I couldn't be happier.  They really did an excellent job. 

The buffet breakfast was all sorts of sweet breads, cereals - all empty carb type foods - along with coffee, milk, and cereal.  This was my breakfast and it was hot and fresh:

Bacon and eggs with a few strawberries - I was a happy camper.

Then at lunch, they had a burrito buffet.  It was all processed and heavy on the carbs.  They delivered this wonderful salad to me and again - I was a happy camper.

There was an afternoon snack of pretzels and chips, but I declined and just had yet ANOTHER cup of coffee.  I hope the rest of the meals are as good.

Dinner was another story.  My table of classmates were all going out, but I declined.  I'm tired and didn't really want to compromise my eating this evening.  So, I ate in the hotel restaurant with one of the classmates with whom I work.  It was a very limited, but expensive, menu.  The waiter was one of those young folks who thought that because he was cute, he could give shit service and it would still be okay.  Well, he thought that until this evening.

I ordered an entree piece of salmon with all the sides on the side and a large salad.  When my meal arrived, it was a piece of salmon (the size of 3 fingers) on top of the salad - no sides.  The waiter dropped the food off and left.  I was irritated.  Anyway, it was fixed in the end.  When the manager came by the table and asked about the meal, I told him of my irritation and it was fixed...45 minutes later!  I will not be eating in the restaurant again.

The class is going quite well.  Part of the class is a 360 assessment of my leadership capabilities.  The assessment was done by my management, my peers, my direct reports, and other folks I work with.  Altogether, I had 26 people assess me.  Surprisingly, they think I'm a good manager and don't have any fatal flaws.  The worst fault was that I'm sometimes too direct.  I'm pleased with the results and can now concentrate on more forward-thinking planning.

Anyway - that's it for now.  I'm on track and so far, so good.