Friday, October 31, 2014

Hubster's home/Work Party I am...

...Hubster's home...for a few days!

He got home yesterday and guess what we did?  Yup - we went out to eat!

He wanted to go to an Italian restaurant, but that's just too much to deal with so I suggested a different restaurant.  So - on the way, we changed our minds yet again and went to a different place altogether.

I ordered iced tea and he got a beer.  We ordered a chicken wing appetizer - half breadless, so that was good.  Hubster ordered a honking big-ass hamburger, while I order naked baby back ribs and a side salad.  I told them I didn't want any sauce AT ALL and to leave all the sides - just make sure the salad was good.

The food comes out - hubster's is on the money, but my ribs have a bunch of sauce and are sitting on a pile of french fries.  I sent all of it back and reiterated my request for no sauce and a side salad.

I got my salad fairly quickly, but the ribs took a while.  By the time I got the ribs, hubster was done with his burger, so I ate about half of the ribs - the small end of the rack.  Perfect?  No.  But it'll do.

Tonight - it was chicken breast and green home!  I'm going to try and eat at home for the next week.  Clearly eating out is a weak point for me.  Even when I make good decisions eating out, it's not something I need to do on a near-daily basis!

Interesting thing happened today - irritated me a bit, but I didn't let it show.

A little back story first.  One of the fellows in my group has a history of gaining/losing weight.  I'm guessing he was up to about 350 lbs and wasn't looking very healthy.  On Wednesday, I walked into his office to talk to his office mate and I noticed that he'd lost some weight.  He said he was down 20 lbs and made a big deal of it, rightly so.  He said he'd basically given up sugar and was watching what he was eating.  His diet still consists of a lot of frozen, packaged food but he's making an effort.

His office mate commented that I had lost a lot of weight, which I appreciated  We chatted for a few minutes and that was it.  I went away happy that he was losing weight because he truly wasn't looking healthy or well.  I was also happy that someone had commented on my weight loss.  Actually - I got two comments on my weight loss on Wednesday.

So - my secretary's last day was today and we had a going away party for her at lunch.  Two women in the group are basically the event planners, so they had 8 large pizzas from a chain, bagged salad from the grocery store, and a bunch of desserts that different folks brought.

The get together was at 11:30 and I had plans with hubster at 12:30, but I felt that I needed to go.  Well clearly, I'm not gonna eat pizza and I'm not gonna eat the dessert.

I sat down with a bottle of water and folks wouldn't stop commenting - they were being nice, but it was a little much, so I got some salad and some diet soda.  I noticed that the fellow I'd talked with on Wednesday had at least two, possibly more, slices of pizza, along with a cupcake with a crap ton of icing.

I didn't think about it and I wouldn't have said anything about it - I *KNOW* how difficult those situations can be.

So what does that asswipe do???

He comes up to ME and asks, "So - is that soda you're drinking?"  Like I was breaking some law and going against what I had said earlier.  I was actually surprised he said anything to me at all.  I mean, seriously???  I have diet soda and a salad - you're the one eating all the trash!  What would possess him to say anything to me???

So I said, "This is Diet Coke.  What did you have?"  My INSIDE voice said, "Fuck you asshole."  Of course, I couldn't say that to a direct report.  He went on to talk about how his pizza and sweets were all okay and justified.  Okay - your plan, so good for you.  I was DONE with the conversation in very short order.

Yannow - the thing about it is I know how difficult this road is - I'M ON THE ROAD - RIGHT SMACK IN THE MIDDLE!  I try my best to not judge anyone when they screw up - none of us are perfect, I'm surely not perfect - that's clearly evident.  I think we try to do the best we can - it's just that our best is better at some times than at other times!  I've had a difficult time lately and I've appreciated the camraderie, the support, the nudges to hold me accountable that I've gotten from people.  No problem with any of that at all.

I did have a problem with the way he approached me, like it was a dare or he had *caught* me.  I thought it was totally wrong, but it is the way that lots of people approach such things.  Some folks think this sort of approach is a way to show support - I think such folks are full of shit.

Anyway - here's the dessert layout for today:

For the sake of full disclosure, I did have one of the cookies in the green container.  While we were all sitting around the table, we talked about all the desserts.  The fellow who made the cookies just started working at the lab; in a previous life, he was a culinary school graduate and a big ol' dessert maker.  When looking at the desserts, I remembered Susan's recent comment - something like, " know what it tastes like, so you don't need to try it."  It helped.

Pumpkin cupcakes, any cupcakes really, from a grocery store hold no appeal for me.  Now I'm a brownie lover and I would have liked the brownie.  But again, they're from the grocery store and "...I know what it tastes like, so I don't need to try it."  YES!  That other thing at the top - well hell, I didn't know what it was and furthermore, I didn't want to know what it was.  It looked water-logged and soggy.  However, the cookies were made from scratch by a chef that I know who cooks by mass and not volume - I didn't know what it tasted like.

I had a cookie.  And it was enough.  It was good, but I tell ya, the sugar taste is just not what it used to be.

Anyway - those are the warts for today!


Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Catching up I am...

...Catching up.

My mother fussed at me this morning for not blogging and we all know - we don't want mama fussing at you!

Hubster's out of town again.  Funny thing - I've been doing much better when he's not here than I do when he's here.  I'm not quite sure what I think about that and even what to make of it.

When he's gone - I rarely, if ever, eat out.  I made the Costco run and have been eating at home every night since he's been gone.

I think part of the answer is that when he's gone, there's more I have to do at home since there's no on to split the chores.  But then again, it's just us so there aren't a lot of chores.  Perhaps when he's home, we work later and are just too tired to think about preparing dinner after a long day.  And we have had some long days the last few months.

In the beginning, hubster was really on it with me.  Perhaps he's gotten tired of this new way of eating??  I don't know that's fair to say though - he's been pretty supportive and it's not like he forces me to go out to eat.

I don't know what the deal is, but in the end, it's not up to him, it's up to me.  I need to have the same resolve all the time - not just when he's out of town.  Kinda interesting - it used to be that when he went out of town, I never ate at home!

I paid a short visit to the 240s, but then....we had a big dinner out!  Clearly eating out is my issue!  I'm struggling, but I will get there.

One huge thing though - and I do think it's a "thing" - is my clothes.  They are decidedly more loose, less tight than they were before.  I'm talking about the 18s too!  My body is changing shape or something.  A new shirt that I bought before we went to Idaho has more room across the boobal area and it's not a new bra doing it either. 

There's a crap ton of candy around the office - all the offices.  Truly, it doesn't much bother me, but every time I see the little Snickers, these fatlittlefingers wanna take one.  I haven't, so yeah me!  The little boy scouts came around yesterday selling their pop corn.  I bought some and it will be delivered when my son is home, so he'll devour it in pretty short order.

Nothing much going on here - just doing the best I can!


Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Thinking about snacks I am...

...thinking about snacks.

It's been a very busy couple of days - Day long meetings yesterday and today.  I made sure I had an ample breakfast so it would last me through and past lunch if needed.

Breakfast lately has consisted of triple cream brie and soppressata with an almond on top.  It's weighed out to 1.5 oz of each plus the almond.  I'm having finger foods for breakfast, but I'm loving it!

But, yesterday I had too much coffee during the morning meeting and started feeling a little uneasy in the tummy.  I knew I needed something to eat, so during a break I went on the hunt.  I checked out the vending machine - nothing there that would even remotely fit the bill, plus have you seen how expensive vending machines are lately?!?!?!?!

I ended up in the admin's office - they have everything!  And just what do I see on the desk?  Green tea KitKats (from Japan) and some pretzels.  The KitKat package was too pretty to open, so that left the pretzels.  Now I just said that I don't like pretzels and I don't, but I gotta say they were the perfect thing - they were the fat stick kind.  I got a few and it was perfect - made my tummy feel better.  Better yet - I didn't want more!

I switched it over to tea today and that seemed to help a whole bunch.  Thank goodness the meetings are over.  The one good thing about them was that everyone was positive and looking at the positive side of everything.  It's something I need to do more - think more positively.

The scale is wobbly still but it's definitely on a slow downward trend - it seems I'm hovering around the 250-252 mark, which is down from the 252-254 mark.  Hubster is going out of town again on Friday, so I think it'll be easier to get to the 248-250 range and below!

I just came across this John Oliver video about sugar.  It's great!

Lots going on with personal family stuff lately - some good, some stressful, but we'll get through it.


Sunday, October 19, 2014

A bag without Snickers I am...

...thinking about a bag without Snickers.

Yesterday, hubster and I made our weekly Costco trip.  While there, I saw those huge pallets with large bags of bite-sized candy for Halloween.  The first thing I said to him was that we needed to buy a bag that didn't have any Snickers.  While I was looking for the bag without any Snickers, I thought about last Halloween...and the one before that...and the one before that. 

Usually, we'll buy a big ol' bag of candy close to Halloween so as to not have it in the house for long.  Plus, we're usually pretty good about not opening it before Halloween.  If it does get opened, hubster will take it to his man-cave so I don't need to see it.  If I happened upon the open bag, I'd look for the Snickers.  I've always liked them and I can remember my mother eating them when I was a kid.  She'd put them in the freezer and eat them cold.  Mama seems to like cold candy.  Actually, I don't know if it's because it's cold or because it's hard.

Anyway, in an effort to not have a ton of candy left, I let the trick-or-treaters grab a big hand of candy - I'm sure their parents love me!

That's all good.

The problem comes AFTER Halloween.  Somehow the rules were always different AFTER Halloween.  We always have a ton of candy left afterward and it stays in the bowl by the front door.  The problem is that I would pass the bowl on the way upstairs.

Now one thing about me is that when I crawl into bed at night, I watch TV and get on the computer.  As I type now, I'm in bed with the TV on and writing this blog

Anyway, after Halloween, while on my way upstairs, I would pick "just a Snickers".  The next time I'd pick two Snickers.  And when I would go to bed at night, I'd pick "just one of each of the ones I really like" - five pieces.  A little treat for me after a long day.  The justification was that they were single bites, so it couldn't be too much.  I told myself that I was eating in total a single candy bar.  Hell - it might be more, but that was the justification. Then it'd get to the point where I'd get "just one of each" just about every time I passed that damn bowl.  This would continue until the candy was gone.  Year after year.

I had all these thoughts while looking for the bag without Snickers.  Well, there wasn't a bag without Snickers!  What the hell was I to do?  I had to get candy for the kids!  I need to give the kids fun candy!  I'm just gonna have to suck it up and buy the bag with Snickers - I mean what else can I do?!?!?

Then the sane me appeared and said, "Well the first thing to do is to get rid of these bullshit thoughts!"  You don't even know most of these kids.  Most of these kids are gonna get a shit ton of candy and sure as hell aren't gonna miss not getting candy from you.  Don't set yourself up to fail - and if you buy the bag with Snickers - or any candy for that matter - that's exactly what you're doing.

I was a bit irritated at my sane self for a moment - I mean, who am I to make sense and erase excuses????  This would have been my chance to have some candy!  This would have been my opportunity to have an excuse to eat some candy!  What better excuse is there than Halloween?!?!?!?!

Well dammit.

I looked around to see what else was available - this is what I bought.

Pretzels!  I'm not keen on pretzels AT ALL!  Plus, it was less than half the price of the bag of chocolate candies - AND I get a cute purple container!  A win all around!



Thursday, October 16, 2014

A good day I am...
...having a good day!

Do you ever just have a good day?  Where no matter what happens, it doesn't dampen your mood?  I had that kind of day today - even though I didn't get to sleep until almost 3 am!

I woke up to my alarm, snoozed a little more and then decided to go ahead and get going - it was gonna be a busy day and hubster was coming home.

I had forgotten to set the coffee for this morning, so I had to make it.  I put too much in and thought it would be too strong.  It was one of the best cups of coffee I've had in a long time.  How awesome is that???

For foods that I eat regularly, I generally don't weigh, but this morning, I weighed both the sausage and the cheese - both were 1.1 oz.  Just what I wanted!

When I started to leave for work, I stopped for a minute to look at the trees.  This tree in particular is just beautiful with its colors - the picture doesn't do it justice - I do love the fall here!  Isn't it beautiful?!?!

My commute was also a breeze - it can take anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour depending on traffic.  Today, I made it in 20.  AWESOME!

Plus, while driving to work, I got to talk with my mother - handless of course.  Can this day get any better?!

I had an hour meeting that lasted 2.5 hours.  Even THAT didn't bother me.  I whispered across the table and asked a co-worker if she wanted to get lunch.  She said yes.  Wonderful!

Because the meeting ran long, the turkey was almost gone.  I moved it around to see if there was any meat left.  What do I find?  The sweetest, most tender piece of turkey loin!   Yeah ME!

Had meetings in the afternoon - a fellow working under me and my boss.  Both were happy when we parted! WOW!  Three in a row for the day!

Chatted with the funniest admin folks ever - we all know they run the place anyway!  They always make me laugh and I leave their offices in a better mood!  It's brutal, but oh so much fun!

Traffic was heavy on the way home, but I got to talk with my sister - again, handless - until I got home.  I do love my sister!

When I walked in the door - hubster was home!!  WOOHOOO!!!!

We hung out for a bit and then grabbed something to eat.  I had a bunless burger at the wing place along with a few wings and a salad.  Everything tasted great and hubster and I enjoyed catching up!

Now - hubster's snoring next to me while I'm writing my blog.

It was a good day!


Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Cancerversary I am...'s one of my cancerversaries.  I didn't remember yesterday that today was an anniversary, but when I saw the date today - I couldn't but help remember.

Eleven years ago today, on October 15, 20013, I had surgery to remove my left kidney because of a cancerous tumor that had been incidentally found at the end of September.  It was such a shock - I had no symptoms at all - cancer wasn't even remotely on my radar.

On 9/25/03, I had a horrific pain in my left arm, so bad that I could barely use my arm.  This sent me to the ER, where they did blood work and a stress test.  The blood work came back with elevated d-dimers, which can sometimes indicate a pulmonary embolism.  A lung CT was ordered.  Luckily, my lungs were totally clear, but the scan caught my kidneys.  They came in to my little ER room and told me they had found a mass in my kidney and wanted to do an ultrasound.  I said, 'sure'.  When they said mass, I honestly thought they were talking about a kidney stone - I was thinking I must be tough as nails to not know I had a kidney stone!

After the ultrasound, there was a shift change and a new doctor came in and told me that I had a mass - it wasn't a kidney stone - and needed to see another doctor right away.  He gave me the name of a doctor in town and left.

I was in shock.  What the fuck are they talking about???  I couldn't believe what they were saying, but at the same time, I knew they were right and I was in some serious shit.

The doctor I saw was the most incredible doctor I've ever had.  Luckily, a friend of mine's wife was a radiologist and when he found out, he had her look at the scans.  She upped the urgency and the nephrectomy was scheduled.

There was almost three weeks from the time we found the tumor until I had the surgery.  During that time, I named my kidneys - Henry and Harriet.  The kidney with the tumor in it was Henry - because a woman sure as hell wouldn't have done me that way.  It might sound silly, but it gave me a way to depersonalize it so I could talk about it.  Friends and family still refer to it as Henry.

My mother and my sister came for the surgery - I was so glad they were there.  It was important to me that things stay as normal as possible with the kids, so I made hubster go on a field trip with my son and my daughter got to hang with a friend of hers.  My mom was with me during the day and my sister would stay with me at night.  I was in such pain directly after the surgery, but I knew it was important to get up and walk around.  My sister would unhook me and hook me every time without complaint, she would run interference, keep the nurses on their toes, and let me have something to drink...against orders of course, but I was dying of thirst.

One thing they wanted to measure was how much I peed on my own after the catheter was removed - they wanted to make sure the other kidney was gonna pick up the slack.  In my drug-induced haze, I remember it taking forever to get to the toilet and then peeing.  Out of nowhere, an angelic hand with a beautiful cloud of toilet paper would appear in front of me.  It was my sister giving me the toilet paper.  Funniest thing ever - she gave me toilet paper - Charmin no less - for Christmas that year.

Another funny thing that happened was during prep for the surgery.  I was petrified - absolutely petrified, so they let hubster stay with me until they knocked me out.  As hubster sat on the edge of the bed, the surgeon was there just making small talk with us.  The doctor told me I was gonna be going to sleep because they were putting the juice in the IV.  The next thing I know, I say, "Hmmm...I taste purple."  The doctor and hubster laugh and the next thing I know, I'm in recovery.  I can still remember tasting that purple.

After I was released from the hospital, my mother was with us for a week and was a wonderful mother hen.  She made sure I rested and cooked all that delicious Southern food that she's so good at making.

The physical recovery was easy, but the ensuing years were the toughest of my life.  A few scans, another surgery, and five months later, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer.  Talk about bad luck!

Anyway - it's been 11 years and I'm so incredibly thankful that I'm here, that I've been able to see my children grow to adulthood, and that I was able to celebrate a 30th anniversary with hubster.

When I checked my email this morning, my sister had sent me the following:

Ode to Henry

Today is the day they took you away.
Can't say we miss you,
You were not invited anyway.
You came and were found all by surprise.
You filled lots of eyes with tears and cries.
Cutting you out was the best thing that could happen.
You brought sisters closer in a place people crap in.
This ode is for you Henry.
Glad we never actually met.
Didn't want to get to know you anyhow.
Life is good-Its been 11 years now.

How awesome is that?  She really is the best sister ever.

And let me tell you now - I'm thankful I'm here - no matter how much I weigh!

Oh - and by the way - we never did figure out what caused that horrendous arm pain!


Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Quiet Day I am...

...having a quiet day.

There's nothing exciting or pressing going on today and I'm quite thankful for that.  The last few weeks seemed to be non-stop tough.  I've got a lull for about  a month and then it's gonna speed up again - all the way through the spring.

With hubster gone, it's been quite easy to reflect, regroup, and stay on track.  When he's home, he likes to eat something different every day.  While I like to eat lots of different things, I can eat the same thing for days on end.  Being able to do that for the last several days has really helped to again reinforce my behavior and efforts.

There were some beautiful brussel sprouts at the grocery store yesterday, but alas, I passed them by.  But I feel like I've eaten them by proxy since I have the same type of stomach ache I get when I eat them.  My protein has been the same and I've just eaten a different brand of fresh green beans, so I'm not really sure what the problem is.

Now that I'm sitting here thinking about it - I think it might be diet soda.  I bought some diet soda, which I rarely drink and it might be culprit.  I'll leave it alone and try it again next week to see if I get the same result.  If so, that shit is done for and outta here.  I enjoy it every once in a while, but it's no skin if I don't have it.  I'm generally an unsweetened tea, water, and coffee girl.

I'm feeling a bit more settled and back into the swing of things - I hope it stays that way.  Unlike many folks, it's always been easier for me to focus and get to business in the 'ber' months.  Perhaps it's because there aren't as many distractions.

The scale was at 250.4 this morning.  I hit 249.2 on August 27 and haven't seen the 240s since.  I hope to break into them this week and then breeze down to the 230s in pretty short order.  Of course, that depends on me.  I'm trying hard not to think of where I would have been if I had stayed on track...if I hadn't had issues.  Instead I'm trying to look at it as this is exactly where I'm supposed to be.  As long as the lesson was learned, I'm good with it.

I've also been catching up on some blogs.  I seem to take something away when I read about the journey of others and it helps bolster me to see that others are on the same road and facing the same struggles.  I think they've really helped carry me over while I've been struggling.  So thanks all you blogger people!

Oh - how do you like the new blog pic at the top??


Monday, October 13, 2014

Procrastinating I am...

...trying not to proscrastinate.

This pretty much sums up my attitude for the last few days:

Hubster left for a trip on Saturday and with the hours we've been working lately, the quote pretty much represents my attitude with "this weekend" replacing "today".  I'm happy for the opportunity to do nuttin', nuffin, NOTHING!.  HA!  Mama, thanks for sending the pic to me!

However, if I want to eat, I think I'm gonna have to do something - like take a shower and get dressed.  Usually, before hubster leaves on a trip, I've got something for the crock pot ready to go - not this time.  So Costco - here I come.

Foodwise - I'm good.  Staying on track and towing the line.  One thing I've learned is that I think I'm gonna have to give up brussels sprouts and cabbage.  As time goes by, the tummy ache I get after eating them is getting worse.  It's awful.

Last time I wrote about the trip to Idaho and how I fared on the trip.  I appreciated every comment I received, particularly Susan's.  I've thought about what she wrote often since then and there are two things that I've learned and realized as a result.

First, she's totally right.  Having something like chocolate, particularly at this point can be a slippery slope and something I need to be careful about - quite careful.

The good news is that while I like chocolate, it doesn't make me crazy, so it wasn't difficult to have it in moderation and be done.  And even though there was a lot of chocolate, it's not a trigger for me.

The second thing is that I have to be careful and make sure I remain diligent.  I've been at this for 9 full months now and while I've done okay and made some changes, it seems I've become a little lax - not off the rails, but it could head that way if I'm not careful.  I'm not sure that the habits I've created are lifelong at this point.

I have to remain pro-active on my own behalf.  During the latter half of the week, I was being reactive and letting things happen instead of making things happen.  Now - that's fine to occur every once in a while, but I need to make sure it doesn't become a matter of course.  I'm not far enough along to know that a detour from my path won't lead to a total derailment.  I get more confident as time passes, but I'm not there yet.

So here I am...back at home for a week and things are good.  I'm on track and looking forward to the fall and getting into the 240s and then the 230s.  Still learning every day.


Tuesday, October 7, 2014

I'm here...really! I am...


 The last week has been a whirlwind with a lot of hard work and a lot of deep, hard thinking.  All those clothes I bought wore quite well.  We left on Tuesday evening for a site visit and returned home late Sunday.  It was intense.

It was interesting because we used to live in the area we visited, so it was nice to see the place after almost 30 years.  I'd forgotten how beautiful the high desert can be.

And there were a lot of challenges and I didn't always win - not by a long shot.  But there were some cool things too!

The first good thing was the plane ride.  Last year, I was on the verge of having to ask for a seat belt extender because it was a true struggle to buckle the seat belt.  I would pull my shirt over my belt so no one could see how much the belt was biting into my tummy.'s a pic of the belt on this trip!

How awesome is that?!?!?!  Hubster saw me taking the pictures and just laughed at me.  When I told him what the deal was, he said he was proud of me.  I even had room in my seat and was able to put the tray all the way down without it resting on me!

We bought dinner in the airport to eat on the plane.  I got a good salad and ate it about halfway through the trip.  When we arrived at our destination, it was late and we were both starving.  It was a little strange because neither of us thought we should be hungry.  Anyway, the only thing open was Sonic, so I got some chicken nuggets and split with hubster.

When we got to the room however, the site we were visiting had the following in our room:

The picture doesn't do it justice.  There was a crap ton of chocolate in this basket with a note welcoming us back to the state!  That big thing is huckleberry popcorn, which hasn't been opened and is sitting on the bar.  It was an incredibly sweet gesture, but totally unexpected and exactly the thing I didn't need.  I decided to take two pieces and leave the rest alone.

I took a piece of the chocolate - some brownie thing - took a bite, and put it in the hotel refrigerator.  I had a bite of it every day we were there.  By the time we left on Sunday, I was down to the last bite.  It wasn't difficult to take the bite and put it back. 

There was also a huge caramel apple.  I've got it in the refrigerator downstairs and have been cutting a piece each day.  It'll be done or rotten by Sunday.

As far as the rest of it goes, it's a bit interesting.  There was a ton of chocolate and I know what was in the basket.  I noticed that even though I wasn't going to eat it, I checked it to see what hubster had eaten.  What the hell is that about??

The other thing about it is the loop it kinda knocked me for when I saw it.  I thought it was really sweet, but there was an excited feeling that there was all this chocolate, it was all for me, and I could eat all of it!  And then there was a panicked feeling immediately afterward that there was all this chocolate, it was all for me, and I could eat all of it!

I'm not sure how I reconciled with myself so quickly to pick something and be done with it.  One thing that helped is that one bite really was enough.  It tasted good, but even one bite was intense and more than enough.

The only meals I had control over on the trip was breakfast.  The hotel had eggs and either canadian bacon or sausage each day.

The other meals I handled as well as I could, but by the end of the week I was tired of facing the challenges.  For instance, the first day in the cafeteria there was a salad bar with absolutely no protein, so I got the salad along with some lentil soup.  The other choice was sandwiches with tater tots.  The second day lunch was at a restaurant with another huge selection of sandwiches.  I got the soup and salad bar.  I have never in my life seen a salad bar like this one - the salads were pre-made with the dressing already on them.  Weird.  I selected the chopped chicken salad, but there was sugar in the dressing.

There was also the beer.  I don't drink often and never feel the need to drink because others are.  While it was a great visit, there was a LOT of stress so one night I had a few beers.  I guess it's because I've not had alcohol in a long time - and they were porters - I was hammered.  I talked with my mother and she was worried about me - I think she thought hubster was as inebriated as I was, but he wasn't.  I felt totally fine the next day, so I'm thinking it had to be my general lack of alcohol use and the fast onslaught of sugar from the beer.

On Saturday night, we had dinner at a colleague's house.  I had a small glass of red wine, but then stopped.  I was asked about more wine several times, but I just told everyone that I was the designated driver for hubster.  The dinner itself was fine, but an apple cake was served for dessert.  I didn't HAVE to eat it, I wasn't REQUIRED to eat it, but I picked a very small piece - perhaps a two inch square.

So how did I do on the trip?  I did okay - in the C+, B- range.  I basically maintained the status quo.  I don't know that I can explain it, but those initial thoughts after seeing that chocolate basket was a bit jarring.  I think I addressed them, but it shifted my course for the trip even though I didn't go all BSC on the chocolate.  Having to address the emotion while facing ongoing food choice challenges, and being away from my home turf complicated it all.

Did I do okay?  What do you think?  Am I being realistic or am I making excuses?

All I do know is that I'm glad to be back home!  I've got some water weight, but I'm glad to be back to my old familiar food routine!

And I know now more than ever I have a lot more to learn and to address on this road of mine.