Well...here I am...
...We're moving...from Maryland to Idaho.
Finally - I'm able to say it. This has been in the works for a while now. I'm excited, stressed, scared, and nervous all at the same time. We're moving because of new jobs. While that's quite exciting, I can honestly say that I really like the job I have now - I lead an awesome group of folks and we've made tremendous progress in the last year. I guess the good thing about it is that I'm leaving on good terms.
I had a group meeting and told everyone this morning. Of course, everyone was surprised and we talked for a long time - discussing future plans for the group and how we will make it all work. During the conversation, I could see the transition starting - it made me sad. But at the same time, when I took over this group, it was each man for himself. It's nice to see them working together as a group.
After the meeting, I got the best compliment I've ever received. An emeritus came to my office, congratulated me, said it was a devastating loss and that I had been a "breath of fresh air".
My first thought was, "You're talking about me?!?!?!?" My next thought was, "Take the compliment." I've always respected this fellow - he's got decades of experience on me and is a true expert in the field, so to get a compliment from him...well, it meant a lot.
So that's that.
Another thing I realized JUST TODAY is that my weight loss has stalled since we first started talking about these new positions. Remember our trip to Vienna??? It started then. Thinking of the possibility of the new job,which is higher visibility is daunting - Can I do it? Am I up to it? It's a similar train of thought to the insecurities I felt about starting this weight loss journey in the first place.
Somehow, it's all gotten jumbled up and intertwined and it seems that I've got two big insecurities - job and weight loss - juggling them both at the same time - not managing to maintain confidence that I can do one, much less both - not succeeding at managing them objectively. As a result, I think my weight is starting to go up ever so slightly and slowly.
THIS IS A TREND THAT MUST BE REVERSED! I've tracked my weight every day and it is slowly trending - slightly - but I believe it's real. I think I didn't want to believe it, because so many folks have finally started commenting on my weight loss, but it's true. I will update everything to the left along with a new graph before the week is out. Another one of those bullshit veils - no need to lie to myself - my body knows the difference.
It seems to deal with the stress, I want to make things easier (read: make excuses), so I'm fighting old habits - mostly the eating out. It's comforting and easy and allays my stress and fear. That's the other thing I realized today. It was like a big, "DUH!", but I think I fooled myself into making it okay.
One thing that will help this is that we have a freezer full of food that needs to be taken care of by the time we move in mid-January. What's not eaten will be donated to the local food bank. It's most meat and garden vegetables, so all healthy stuff.
All I know is I will try and I won't give up and I will get through it and start losing again.
Strange how I didn't realize what was going on. BTW - tonight was leftover pork, mushrooms, and onions.
We're going to Idaho this weekend. I think we've found a house and if it's the one, I want to make sure we get it. From the online pictures and video, it looks perfect. The realtor and I have been going back and forth - I told him what I wanted, he said it would be difficult to find. I was starting to believe him and said that we'd be "...living in a van, down by the river," but the realtor persevered. He sent me a link the other day of a house that was coming on the market - the whole family agrees - from Grandma to the niece. Keep your fingers crossed for us.
On another note, hubster and I got married in July 1984 and moved to Idaho in January 1985. We got married again 30 years later in July 2014 and we're moving back to Idaho In January 2015 - 30 years later...maybe to the day. It's karmic.
Thanks to everyone who commented on the Thanksgiving pic of Mama and me. I love them - I think I'm gonna frame them.