Sunday, January 11, 2015

Jekyll and Hyde I am...

...feeling a little bit like Jekyll and Hyde.  I'll explain in a minute.

Needless to say, we're getting down to the wire and I'm stressing.  Our son heads back to school on Tuesday.  I can definitively say he's been "on break".  He's ready to go back as well - he misses his girlfriend - exactly who is this girl??? - and he's bored here.  I'm happy to see that he's making his own life, but I kinda miss the old days as well.  Of course, there is that part of hubster and me who's ready to have the house to ourselves again.  Did my inner voice just leak out again???  ;-)

Instead of getting cleaner, the house seems to be getting messier; but there is a method to the madness.  I'm really clearing out a lot of stuff and organizing things into groups.  The new house is a lot different that this current house and I don't have the transition of things from the old house to the new house completely clear in my head.

Things are winding down at work, which is also sad.  We've made a lot of progress and I'm leaving in a transition.  However, I'm leaving on good terms, so that's always a good thing.  My boss told me the other day that I didn't have to leave and that I'll always have a position there if I want to come back.  It was very sweet of him to say that, but once I'm out the door things will move on.  No one is irreplaceable - even me.

With all that out of the way, I've gotta say that I'm struggling - struggling and stressing about that four-letter word - F-O-O-D.  I feel a little Jekyll and Hyde-ish about it.

Two things are happening:  1)  I am eating out almost every day at lunch with someone who wants to spend time with me before I leave, and 2) We're trying to clear out the refrigerator and freezer.

Generally, at lunch-time I've been eating in the cafeteria with whoever I'm with since it's a bit of a hassle to leave campus at lunch.  There is a salad bar that's a little on the slim slide, but it has all the basics.  Then there's another 40-some-odd selections from the buffet.  There's other made-to-order items, but those are definitely off-limits for me.

Even before starting down this road, I avoided buffets - they're just too much, but I could handle them on occasion.  But it was starting to wear me down with the cafeteria - it's such an easy default so just go with it and worry about it later.  I've got so much shit going on at the moment, it's okay.

That's just it - IT'S NOT OKAY.  My ass will still feel the weight if I eat poorly.  My ass doesn't give a shit that I'm moving and have a lot of stuff going on.  My ass will just get bigger.

What do I do?  I do seem to be shuffled in to this cafeteria thing for the next two weeks, so when I went last week - Wednesday I think - I looked at it with a different eye.  Instead of saying to myself that it was a crappy salad bar - just because it didn't have a large selection - was no reason for me not to select some of the items they did have.  So when I looked - wonder of wonders - there were two kinds of lettuce, broccoli, onions, tomatoes, peppers, cheese, fake bacon bits, sesame seeds, and a variety of dressings - including full-fat blue cheese. 

I loaded up my plate with salad.  This accomplished three things:  1) It set the tone for the rest of my meal, 2) It loaded up my plate with food that was good for me, and 3) It minimized the amount of space on my plate for the stuff that's not so good for me.

I ended up getting some chicken and some hot squash and zucchini.  It kept me from getting a little taste of this, a little taste of that.  I can "little taste" myself to a big weight gain. 

I'm reminded of that quote from Peter Attia on the right of the blog - it's the little things.  He's totally right too - it's the little things that are gonna make me successful and it's also the little things that are gonna totally fuck me up too!

Having described this success - just let me say that it was not easy.  The lure of all those tasty little things was difficult.  That devilish voice saying, "Oh this little bit won't hurt", "Remember how good that was", "It's okay, you're having a tough time", "Don't worry about it - you can be good next time."

It's a tough thing to tell your own self to fuck off but that's what I did, because that's what I needed to be told.  I think I'm gonna have to tell myself that a lot in the coming weeks.

The other thing that's also a pain about eating out is the sodium.  Even when I'm spot on, it seems there's too much sodium and I can feel it almost immediately.

We're clearing out the freezer as well.  My favorite so far was when I found a pack of collard greens that mama and me put away, so we cooked those along with some field peas and sausage - how southern is that???  It was awesome.  So much better and tastier eating at home. 

I'm trying - I'm working it.



  1. Isn't amazing how messy packing is ... It always looks so much worse than it is ... I think next time I move I'm going to leave it all behind ... and start over HAHA ... I have 2 boxes still to unpack from the old house and that was 15 years ago ...

  2. I moved first 3000 miles away from home, then halfway across the country three months later, it was the worse. Glad youre getting there! Good choice with the salads and the southern feast sounds delish! Hope things continue to go well for you

  3. You're doing great because you're aware of your situation and you are making decisions based on it. Life has ups and downs, not all straight lines. You are in a time of transition,which will probably make it impossible to eat perfectly. But, you're making healthy salad choices through it all. You're aware!!! That's half of the battle!

    I love moving and cleaning out the fridge and freezer. There's something about that empty,clean and cupboards I've always liked.

  4. I am so proud of you for not chucking it all and waiting until after you're settled in your new place. If progress is slow right now, it is slow. It is NOT regain and that will make you so happy later.

  5. My plan this year is to declutter the house. I always loved moving (okay, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration), for the simple fact it forced you to. Good luck with it all. Good work, picking salad rather than other things at the buffet. I'd find that difficult to, especially with any added stress going on. Keep up the good work.

  6. It's totally the stress of moving and saying good bye. That's when the Evil Gwen talks to me. I'm getting real good at telling to fuck off (too) though. :)

  7. Great post!!! Have you ever read the book Intuitive Eating? That book changed my life. The stupid inner voice went away when I just quit caring and when I started seeing food differently.

    Great post, thanks!!

  8. The small things added up in the end and the bigger picture of things.


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