...thinking about priorities.
Yannow - I've struggled with my weight to some extent all my life it seems. Though the shit has been hitting the fan weight-wise - so to speak - for the last several years.
When I started on this latest journey, I was ready and made my own rules - simple rules really but they were divvied up into the food rules and the emotional rules. I don't know what made me do that, but it made sense. Since then, I've come to understand that while the food rules matter - on the scale of importance, they're like a 1 on a scale of 10. It's the emotional nutrition rules - as I called them then - that matter and are the things that make all the difference.
These are the emotional nutrition guidelines I wrote back then:
- I'm going to attempt to remain accountable to myself each day by at least making some notation on how I'm feeling.
- I'm not going to beat myself up when I screw up.
- I'm going to read positive stories of other successes - not necessarily weight-related.
- I know there's a lot of back and forth on it, but I'm going to weigh every day at various times. I'm smart enough to know that my weight fluctuates during the day. I just want to see the conditions of those fluctuations - perhaps it's the scientist in me.
At this point in time with the experience of both success and failure, I'll add two more guidelines. The first is the importance of keeping my word to myself. Secondly, but equally important is making ME a priority. Actually, that might be the single most important guideline. But what does that mean?
How can I keep me a priority when I have ten thousand things that grab at my mind and attention all day and all night long? When I started this, I think I was probably a bit obsessive about it - militant if you will. Perhaps to get the discipline going, that's what I needed; perhaps I still do.
I'd like to be able to make myself a priority not by obsessing every minute of the day about my effort to lose weight, but rather by having it like a like a subtle aura that's just there and natural. I think I get screwed up by thinking that if I make myself a priority, I'm giving up something else in my life.
How entirely fucked up is that thinking???? Making myself a priority shouldn't do anything but enhance my life and make it better. Why do I have the feeling then that it's a choice I have to make? Why is that if I make myself a priority I feel something else is going to be lacking or someone else is going to lose? This is nuts - I've got to incorporate myself into the goodness.
The other thing I need to remember is the importance of keeping my word to myself. I keep my word to others - to my family, friends, etc. Why is it difficult to keep my word to myself? I did such a great job for so long, but lost my way.
The last year - since the move across country - has been just such a struggle - I didn't make myself a priority - I put myself "off" a lot. Don't get me wrong - there are indeed a lot of things I took care of, but there are a lot of things I let slide as well.
All I can say is that I feel like I've grabbed the line again and have started the trip back to shore. There's gonna be a lot of waves - some big, some little - but I'm gonna hold on and keep going.