Friday, March 31, 2017

3/31/17 - In the game I am...

hopeful that I've made it back to the space in my head I need to be.

Like many others, I've done good and I've done bad relative to weight loss.

When your head's in the game, your resolve is almost invincible - nothing will get in your way to your goal.  But then, something happens, imperceptibly it seems, and your head's not in the game any more. 

That's what happened with me.  I did so well for so long and then, little slips here, little slips there, LIFE...and all of a sudden, I look around and I wasn't in the game any more and I couldn't even get back to bat.

It's taken me a long time to get my shit together - stops and starts, lots of tears and frustration.  But I never gave up.  I worked every day to get it together, longed for my head to be in the game and wondered why I couldn't get my ducks in a row.

Lots of things contributed to it - work, stress, all the usual life things that happen to everyone.  The biggest thing though was that something else...everything else...became more important than me.  I stopped putting myself first.  I quit taking the time to take care of me.

I've always considered myself to be low maintenance and that may be so, but I've got to maintain a higher level of maintenance for myself than before. 

Lots of things have changed for me - good and bad.  A promotion to an even more stressful job; a heart issue - nothing too traumatic or life-threatening - premature ventricular contractions; neck and spinal issues; recurrent shingles, and weight gain.

Each of them alone are manageable, but it's a pain dealing with all of them at the same time.  Getting this weight off will help a lot and will probably help alleviate many of the other problems!

Again, I've finally gotten rid of all added sugars.  High fat (70%), moderate protein (25%), and low carb (5%).  That means lots of good fat, fish, chicken, some red meat, and vegetables.  I'm tracking my food on fatsecret after I eat.  Trying to change the habits and adjust in a meaningful way.  I'm also trying to get more sleep.

I'm not looking to prove anything, I'm just looking to be healthy.  It's not a contest, it's my life.  And it is indeed up to me.


Wednesday, March 29, 2017

3/29/2017 I am...

...wondering if this thing still works.

It's been a long while and a whole lot of life has occurred - heart scare, over-working, stress, shingles...all sorts of shit.  But I'm still here...and I plan to stay here.

I'm back on the wagon of no added sugar and I've gotten through the hump - I hope I stay on this side of that damn hump.  Staying with the higher fat, moderate protein structure.  I'm not eating any carbs except in the form of a vegetable.

To be honest, my weight reached an all time high, but perhaps that's part of the lesson.  I can't beat myself up because of it.  I need to take it and learn from it.

That's what I'm trying to do.