Thursday, September 27, 2018

09/27/2018 I am...

I'm trying hard to stay on top of things.

I have an important interview next week, I've returned to work, hubster is on travel, and I'm behind on everything!

I had a personnel issue this week that frustrated me...still does actually.  Anyway, I needed to go to Sam's because I had to pick lunch for the next day for my staff meeting and cleaning supplies for the cleaning lady.  I was so irritated that I forgot the cleaning supplies.  So I had to go back the next day to get the cleaning supplies.

Now Dairy Queen is right down the road and it was such a pull.  I had to do a lot of talking to myself to not visit the place.  Well - I was successful on both occasions and did not make the visit.

I also had to make a visit to Walmart last evening.  By this time, it was getting late, I was tired, and I was hungry.  One side of my brain told me to just stop and get Culver's; the other side told me to just go home and heat up one of the chicken quarters I had bought along with the prepared salad I had bought from Sam's.

I overcame that draw as well.  While I was at Walmart, I did buy a can of spaghetti - comfort food to be sure.  Not the best choice, not the worst choice - better than it could have been.

I am struggling at work - seems there's always something going on and there's always a bowl of candy; I'm avoiding it, but not always successful.

It is a work in progress.  I am a work in progress.

Monday, September 24, 2018

09/24/2018 I am...

I'm still here.  It's just been a rough few days.

I have 10 hour days at work.  I was told that I needed to take it easy when I returned to work, but I ended up working more than 23 hours over two days.  Then I did a parade of homes with a friend of mine.  It took two days to go through all the homes.  As I was getting out of her truck on the first day, I wrenched my back and that put the kibosh on any more homes on Friday.  On Saturday, my back felt a bit better, but my right knee felt like it was the size of a football.  But I took ibuprofen and forged ahead.  When it was all said and done, I collapsed.  I over-did it and now I'm taking a day and chilling.

Food-wise, it's been a "learning" time.  Before we left each day, I made sure I ate in order to minimize poor eating.  It didn't exactly work out the way I planned.

On the first day, my friend suggested we stop and get a Blizzard.  I had the attitude of "I can have this - I'll be good later."  This is not an attitude that is conducive to successful weight loss - at least not for me.  In any event, she ordered and ordered LARGES.  I honestly was not paying attention to what she ordered when she placed the order.  When I'm on my own, I order a medium, which really isn't any better.

Then on the second day, one of the homes had made freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.  I didn't have just one cookie - I had 6.  This isn't good either.

I really, REALLY have to cut out the added sugar.  It's not good for me and I know this.  I will work to do better and work to stay on top of my emotions.  I can't delay this until later and I have to take ownership - I have to take the lead in this.  I can't allow myself to be influenced by others when it comes to poor food behavior.  It's my ass...literally!

Hubster left for travel and will be gone for a bit.  I generally make a trip to Sam's and get a big ol' salad and a pork roast to put in the crock pot to eat for the week.  I didn't feel like going anywhere, so I just stayed home and ate leftovers out of the refrigerator.  Hubster had grilled a huge pile of green beans along with some yellow, red, and orange peppers - they are so good.  I also had some leftover salmon and grilled chicken.  So those were good choices.

I spent some time today reading about weight loss and health.  I'm formulating what I want to do.  I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday, so I'll talk with him then and get his opinion.

I clearly don't have my ducks in a row, but it's a work in progress.  I'm hanging in there.

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

09/18/2018 - First Day Down I am...

Day 2 and I'm posting.

It wasn't a bad day.  Had to go to medical at work to get released to return.  I've been home for 7 weeks following surgery.  While I didn't do a bunch, the outing left me quite tired.  I'm not sure how I'm going to maneuver a 10-hour work day tomorrow,

Food-wise, it was a good day.  I did what I said I was going to do.  I didn't eat any added sugars or any bread.  Hubster met me for lunch and we had tortilla soup.  I made sure I took the tortillas out.  It was a huge bowl of soup, so it was enough.  For dinner, we had bought one of those big spinach salads from Sam's with grilled chicken, feta, blueberries, strawberries, and walnuts.  It has two small containers of salad dressing, so we each had one.  We added additional chicken and feta - it was perfect.

The scale wavered from 305.2 to 306.6 this morning.  I've logged 306.6 - it's about what I thought it was, so no surprise.  Disappointment, but not surprise.

I'm gonna get to bed earlier tonight and see if I can get more sleep.  A bit of sleepy time tea and a little melatonin will hopefully help.

I'm gonna try to do the same thing tomorrow - no added sugar and no bread and keep it to real food and veggies.  While I would really like to wake up and be a normal weight, I didn't get here in one night.  I'm going to work hard to keep frustration at bay.  One foot in front of the other.

09/18/2018 - Gotta try something I am...

It's a bit past midnight.  I don't know what I'm gonna do, but I've got to do something.  My weight is up - higher than it's ever been.  It's looming around 305 I believe; I'm too afraid to get on the scale because I'll make myself mad, but I have resigned myself to weighing in the morning.

It's amazing how this whole weight thing can just fuck up your entire psyche.  My life is good, but this weight is such a distraction.  While there are a few medical things that exacerbates the issue and confound my doctors, in the end, it's me.

My work life is awesome and hubster is still awesome.  Still take BP meds and thyroid meds too (since I don't have a thyroid).

My internal med doctor had me taking topiramate and phentermine for a little over a year.  I successfully gained 4 lbs.  In the midst of all that, he also had me doing some fasting.  I would fast from Sunday evening to Wednesday morning every two weeks.  Of course, I'd drop 10 pounds easy, but when I ate, it would all come back on - clearly all water weight.

I decided to see a functional medicine doctor to see if he could help.  He did a ton of bloodwork and it's definitely outta whack, but this guy wants to do ultraviolet blood irradiation, molecular H2, and all that stuff that I can't buy into.  Kinda funny, but my testosterone and Free T3 are high - indications of a great metabolism in women.  They can't quite figure it out.  I have stopped the topiramate/phentermine combination, which I believe has helped me gain additional weight.  Great.

Then a scare - had a badly needed hysterectomy.  I'll spare the details, but there were tons of fibroids, adenofibromas, and a rare thecoma.  Fortunately, everything came back benign.

I've gotta give this another shot.  I was so successful before and had my head in the game.  I want to live a long time, so I've got to get my shit together.  I've thought about trying WW again, but I'm not sure.

Tomorrow, I'm gonna shoot for no added sugar, no bread, and concentrate on veggies and clean, wholesome food.  Not gonna shy away from fats.

Here's hoping I do well...and that I come back and write some more.